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commune

shared living: searching for community

May 4th, 2010
by Jim Reverend.
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image by 27147

As we live a life of ease
Every one of us has all we need,
Sky of blue, and sea green,
In our yellow submarine!

I’m amazed at how many of my friends are interested in living together. It makes me believe that maybe the culture I’m looking for here in Dallas isn’t lost after all. I’ve seen an outpouring of ideas and offers from lots of people over the past week or so and it’s really helped me flesh this out a bit.

One of the most interesting offers was to share a home with a family in Austin. The family is already very dear to my heart and like-minded in terms of family and responsibility. And I long ago decided that Austin was an ideal city for me if I was going to stay in Texas. This seemed like a perfect situation.

But, the more I consider it the more I realize how much risk and difficulty there is involved with it. I’d have to take C away from her Mom. It’s only a few hours away and she’d still be able to see her almost as often as she’d like. But, it adds some complication. Factor in that I’d need to drop everything, move, look for a job, rent out my house, and leave everything I know and love here in DFW, it was just too much to do all at once. I still think this is ideal, and if I haven’t found what I’m looking for in Dallas within a few years, I’ll start looking out that way again. But for now, I think I have to let that go.

Another amazing offer I received was to share a home with a family in North Richland Hills. This place is beautiful! There’s lots of room! I’ve been friends (though not incredibly close friends) with half of the parental unit for over 10 years. I met the rest of the family and we all got along wonderfully. I’m still having conversations with them and working some bits out in my head.

But, as I see it now, there are a few limiting factors. Despite being a huge home, there are only 4 bedrooms. 3 of them are occupied by this family, so C and I would share a room. We do that now, so that’s okay. But as she gets older I’d prefer she share with another child. There’s nothing to say she couldn’t share with one of the other kids though. So that’s a wait-and-see kind of thing. The other limiting factor is that this house very much belongs to this family. I had envisioned a “our home” mentality and perhaps this would blossom into that as time progressed, but that isn’t the feel I got right away. So, another wait-and-see. The biggest limiting factor, though, is that, because after I move in all the rooms would be taken, it will be, at most, a two family home. Again, the family there said that there might be opportunity for more but wants to do it on a wait-and-see basis. So there’s a whole lot of wait-and-see.

I’m okay with wait-and-see. But I’d like to limit the disruptions to my daughter’s life as much as possible. With a move, a change in schooling/daycare, a whole new city, and the need to untie us from our current house, that’s a LOT to go with for so much wait-and-see. I’m still talking with them, and we’re going to have lots of sleep overs in the future, both to see where this goes and also because I’m excited to have met a friendly, open, like-minded family with an open-door policy so similar to my own.

So that leaves me with three options for now. I intend to pursue all three until one pans out.

I am going to keep looking for an existing home that I could share with another family. Ideally, there’d be room for at least three families but I’m flexible there for the right situation. Proximity to Irving, Denton, or Dallas is ideal, though not required. If you know of anyone that lives in a home with a room or two that they would spare and are interested in an intentional community of this nature, please let me know or send them my way.

I am going to think of ways to make my current home more suited to multi-family living and seek out families to share it with. I got an offer from a friend who would be willing to share my home. However, with her and her daughter here, that exhausts all of the “conventional” sleeping space my home has to offer (and that’s with our daughters sharing a room). The rooms in my house are large, however. So I’m looking for creative ways to split them into smaller spaces suitable for children as well adults who would consider even more open-minded living arrangements (like large rooms being shared by adults, etc). If you’re creative and budget-minded and would like to help me think of ways to split up this space let me know. If you would be open to “interesting” living arrangements with a very small financial obligation, contact me.

Finally, I’m looking to buy a home more suitable to what I want. Something large-ish with emphasis on the number of rooms not the size of them. Ideally in the Denton, Coppell, or Dallas (Oak Cliff, likely) areas. If you know of a home like this, or would be interested in helping to find one and share it, please let me know.

a common goal

Apr 22nd, 2010
by Jim Reverend.
9 comments

My dream is to live in — for lack of a better term — a commune. A group of 10-50 people (adults, kids, animals, etc) living on the same property, occupying the same communal spaces, and spending at least part of their energy working toward a common goal. Something similar in feel to La Selva. But, I also realize that finding a like minded commune to join or finding a property and financial means to start my own may be far off. So, in the mean time, I’m seeking what has recently been dubbed the “mini-commune”.

My vision of the Mini-Commune is between 2 and 5 families (depending on the size of those families and the size of the dwelling) sharing a single, larger house. Ideally, the house would have lots of smaller rooms to be used as bedrooms as well as several larger rooms to be used as communal living spaces. Certainly some properties will lend themselves better to this than others but, as long as it’s large enough, almost anything can be made to work.

The benefits of even the mini-commune are quite impressive.

First, there’s the sheer financial aspect of it all. Based on a house I’ve been able to find in the area and average expenses, with even 3 families living together the monthly cost would be around $575/family. When you factor in group meals (less eating out), bulk purchases, and reduced needs for travel, you save even more. Consider the fact that, under this arrangement, it might be possible to get rid of as many as half of the vehicles owned by the group, there’s even more savings. Once you bundle in the social aspects of always having a “family” of people around to lend a helping hand, to make tedious tasks more enjoyable, to provide comfort, and to encourage it, the cons seem entirely manageable.

The cons, of course, having to share a space with other people. If people are inconsiderate, rude, sloppy, or selfish, sharing a space with them can be difficult if not impossible. Obviously, this would require appropriately minded people. I think it’s very important to select fellow commune (or mini-commune) members based on their nature and their lifestyle and how close to your own that those things are more so than how well your interests mesh with theirs or how close of friends you may be now. As you get deeper into the communal unit, more cons can arise, like not having certain amenities (cars, showers, etc) available to you the very second that you want them. It is very much about personal sacrifice in order to increase the benefits for all, including yourself. However, in an ideal commune, these issues will be worked out as a matter of routine. In the fully fledged commune, one could alter the dwelling to more closely match the needs of those that lived there. In this mini-commune one would have to be willing to adapt to what was available.

The fully fledged commune would, of course, be able to grow vegetables, raise a garden, and contribute space to the greater community as well. These things would only be possible in much smaller doses in a mini-commune.

I haven’t fully fleshed out where I’d like to live. But, my tentative selections are Denton, Coppell, Western Dallas (as long as we have home schoolers), and “The Sticks”. If you’re interested — truly interested — in joining let me know. And, if you have any advice (other than, simply, “COMMUNES SUCK”) I’d love to hear it.