Body
I went 48 hours without solid food. Then I starting eating one meal a day testing both my food addiction and my potential food allergies. I had to stop the “toxin flush” portion of the cleanse because it made getting to work in the morning absolutely impossible since I needed to spend about 2 hours each morning within 2 minutes of a bathroom. Not fun.
The toxin flush, though shorter than intended, was not without benefit. I feel refreshed, I have a better understanding of what goes in and out of my body, and I am most certainly cleaner. Furthermore, I highly recommend it.
The rest of the body cleanse involves making mental changes to produce a cleaner, healthier body. I’ve started strength training regularly. I’m practicing Yoga with intent. I’ve added more aerobic exercise to every day. My arms, and thighs, and abs haven’t been this sore in a very long time. I’m eating less calories and the calories that I do eat are even healthier than before. I’ve also given myself some outs so that it doesn’t feel like such a social shock to make myself better.
You don’t really realize how out of shape you are (weight aside) until you try to perform sustained exercise. (For instance: try holding your back straight and supporting yourself by your forearms and toes only — like a push up, but without moving — for 30-60 seconds without a break.) I had always assumed that all the walking and hiking I did was enough. It’s a good start, sure. But it’s not enough.
# I look good today. And I feel good too. Even if WiiFit did call me fat this morning. My body image is getting better. I know I’m overweight. I am doing something about it. I’m happy with my progress. I haven’t been able to say that in a long time.
And, yeah, # “I eat now“. This means that dinner invitations are both open and sought after once again. In fact, # last night’s dinner was awesome: Lemon pork tenderloin, quinoa, and a bean salad with lemon dressing.
Mind and Soul
Progress here has been slow and painful.
# I’ll make sense of this. Step by step, I’ll figure it out. One by one, I’ll cut off what needs to go and cherish what is left.
I’ve been spending a lot of time digging through my relationships. It’s not something anyone wants to do. In fact, most people don’t even like to talk about it because it just sounds cold and calculated. Maybe it is. Some people are able to just concentrate on the good and let the bad fall off the bottom. I don’t work like that. I have to clear the bad away and allow myself to stop worrying about it before I can free myself up to even see the good. So that means going through every relationship that causes me any pain. First I try to decide if I’ve been taking something personally that really wasn’t. Then I consider if I would have acted the same way in a similar situation. Then, finally, I look at what benefit that relationship brings me.
In the end, I don’t even have to make a decision. It just makes itself. Just giving myself the time and necessity to think about it is enough.
I’ve started rearranging my life and taking ownership of my problems. For too long I’ve been counting on other people to do their part and pitch in and it just doesn’t work. So, I’m taking ownership of it all. I’m giving plenty of opportunity and lots of warning. Then I’m moving on even if they can’t keep up. I am responsible for me.
# I’m an advocate of happiness, meaningful connections, and intimacy. There’s little to no reason to have anything else. And the improved, cleaner me will strive for that. I’ve managed to release myself from one very difficult unrewarding relationship and several other smaller ones. I feel lighter. I feel less frustrated. I’ve been able to sit and enjoy time with my wife and daughter without worrying about a hundred other little things.