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Running with Pandora and other digressions

Apr 29th, 2010
by Jim Reverend.
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Image by James Booth

Have you ever heard Akon’s “Right Now”? WAIT! STOP! Don’t click that link! I don’t want to be responsible for what may happen afterward. I’m sure you’ve heard it. I’m quite far removed from the “cool guy” scene and I’ve heard it before now.

Maybe in the bathroom at that bootie-bumping club. Your “accidental” stop on the Top-40 station on your way across the dial. Standing outside the changing room waiting for your new fling to try on what must be the 40th pair of shoes. Through earbuds in an attempt to drown out the nagging about how fat and lazy you are that reminds you far too much of the last fling you had and this one isn’t even half as cute. You’ve heard it.

This song must be the worst song ever written. Ever.

I wanna make love right now now now.
Wish we never broke up right now now now.
We need to link up right now now now.

So why didn’t I just turn it off?

I started Couch to 5K (C25K, A program designed to take you from the Couch to running a 5K in 9 weeks) today. I had done it once before in December of 2008 but was abruptly halted due to (ah hell let’s use the oh-so-PC-term) Life Change Events. Unwilling to give myself any further cause for delay and working toward being a satisficier instead of a maximizer, I opted to let Pandora choose my music for me this time around. I’ve heard lots of warnings (no more ColdPlay!) about how inappropriate Pandora’s music selections can be. Trapping myself into them by starting a run and not wanting to stop to fiddle with music was probably not the best idea.

Don’t do this.

I picked one song that I thought was a good song to run to. Something with an upbeat tempo, uplifting lyrics, and not anything too heavy or thought provoking. I picked “I Gotta Feeling” by the Blackeyed Peas. Yeah, not the best song ever written, but it met my criteria and is apropos for my day considering I have a hot playdate tonight. (Yes, I used the words “hot” and “playdate” at the same time. Admit it, you’re jealous of me and my high-rollin’ life.)

I can’t lie
Watching everyday that goes by
‘Till I get you back I’m gon’ try
‘Cause you are the apple in my eye

Pandora spit out track after terrible track of the most boring, uninspired, uninteresting, nonsense music I have ever heard. Ok, that isn’t entirely true. It did break out with Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’” which was quite welcome considering what had come before it and what was to follow. But that was the one and only exception and it isn’t even remotely similar to the song I seeded it with. Among all of them, however, “Right Now” was the worst.

The run went well, though. Day 1 of Week 1 is meant to be easy. It wasn’t.

20 minutes of a 90 second walk followed by a 60 second run sandwiched in between two 5 minute walks to warm up and cool down. I traveled a little over 2 miles giving me a just under 15 minute mile. Pathetic I know, but it sure beats the running I did yesterday (“hey, I’m going run into the kitchen for another bowl of popcorn”). I can tell how far off I am from where I was last time by how many streets in my neighborhood I was able to cover. Before I could hit each of them once and a couple of them a second time. This time, I skipped an entire chunk. But it felt good, anyway. Okay, the very first running interval felt good. Even the second one did. The eight one sucked and I felt like my heart was about to rip itself out of my chest for a more suitable mate.

I want you to fly with me
I miss how you lie with me
I wish you could dine with me
The one that’ll grind with me

But still this song haunts me. You’ve heard it, right? The guy is basically saying, “I’m lonely and I want to have sex with you.” And he’s doing so in the worst possible way, over and over again. Any oversexed Junior High student with a Casio keyboard and Autotune could have made it.

Here, erase it from your mind. Instead, listen to a terrible Ukulele cover of “Right Now” that is, somehow, actually better than the original. What, that didn’t help?

I’m fat

Dec 7th, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
1 comment

I’m fat. Yeah, I’m just figuring this out now. I guess I’m slow too.

It’s not serious. But it’s borderline. No. Fuck it, it’s serious.

Most importantly, I simply don’t like the way I look. I don’t like the way I look dressed and I really don’t like the way I look naked. Well except for that part, of course. Rowr.

There was a point in time that I liked the shape of my body. I liked the amount of muscle and fat I had. I liked being able to follow each vein in my forearms. That was a long time ago. That was over 40 pounds ago. I loved those veins. I want them back.

The hardest part to admit was that I have bad eating habits. Well I do. There. I admit it.

My problem is not beer or alcohol. It’s not overly large, calorie filled meals. It’s not because I eat unhealthy food. It’s not because my meals are too high in fat or carbs. It’s because I snack. And when I snack, not only is it usually not healthy food, it’s usually in quantities above what should constitute a snack. Waaaaaay above. I could eat an entire bag of peanut M&Ms. One of the big ones. In one sitting. I’m not even kidding.

I didn’t always snack like this. And when I didn’t, despite far worse eating habits and much less exercise and the same office job, I wasn’t overweight.

I finally figured it out. I snack because, oddly, I’m doing nothing else. And the reason I’m doing nothing else is because I’m far too stressed out about the “what”s and “how”s of the things I should/could be doing to actually commit to doing them.

So, because all the little pieces trigger each other, the solution requires all three things to be accounted for. Fun, huh?

So here we go.

ARE YOU A PROFESSIONAL…
Don’t suggest I see a professional. I will ignore you at best, yell at you if I’m stressed, or send you photos of the above mentioned naked body if I’m feeling frisky.

Nutritionists, personal trainers, cuddle therapists, massage therapists, chiropractors, acupuncturists, Swedish massage professionals, and exotic dancers: if you have something you’d like to offer for free, I’ll take it — email me right away! Don’t delay!

But I’m not going to confuse and upset other aspects of the equation and throw money at the problem when, at this stage, I can clearly define the goals on my own. I’m a smart guy. I can figure it out.

  • Thighs jiggle, need less fat.
  • Couch dented, need more exercise.
  • Arms like Jello, need more muscle.
  • Can’t see feet, need smaller belly.

As I move forward, if I find I have more specific goals beyond “increase” and “reduce” then I’ll seek professional help to reach those goals if I it’s not something I can reach on my own.

GET BY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS…
So you might be asking, how you can help. Well, have I got a deal for you.

I need encouragement, positive reinforcement, accountability, support, and rewards for progress at both big and small milestones. All of this, of course, has to come from me. If I have to rely on anyone else to make this happen, then, chances are, it won’t. But patting myself on the back gets boring after a while.

If you’ve got a some encouraging words, nice thoughts to send you’d certainly make it easier on me. If you’ve got a reward to offer it’ll give me something to look forward to. Hugs, cuddles, words of praise, fabricated certificates, photos of you in a silly hat, lewd photos of you, lewd photos of you in a silly hat, you tube videos of you doing the roger rabbit, promises to wear T-shirts exclaiming “Daniel is my God” are all acceptable forms of reward. Be creative. Make me work for it.

I could also use a Yoga teacher (anyone who knows more than me), a running partner, a hiking partner, a sex partner, and an exercise partner. You know, all in the interest of health. Serious inquiries only.

So what’s in it for you? Aside from my appreciation, reciprocation, dedication, and proclamation of your amazingness, you’ll be entitled to free certificates from the “oh my god daniel is so effing hot” escort service. Need to make an ex-boyfriend jealous? Need a hot date for that black tie affair? Looking for some NSA action? Need to make sure your boyfriend isn’t gay? Then the new, improved, old-fashioned Daniel will be just what you need. Look at this as an investment in your future.

THE GOALS!

WHAT GOES IN…
I know what I should eat. I know what I shouldn’t eat. I know how big portions should be. I don’t need a plan filled with preboxed meals, or a program lined with people yelling at me to point the right way. I just need to reduce, particularly at night.

  • Big Goals
    • Lose 40 pounds
    • Lose 4 inches on my waist
  • Small Goals
    • Lose 1.5 pounds each week and keep it off for 1 week
    • No food after 7pm at least 5 nights a week
    • Drink a full glass of water before and after each meal or snack

WHAT COMES OUT…
I don’t need a personal trainer to tell me that if I move around for longer and faster than I do when my fat ass is sitting in a chair then my heart rate will increase, my metabolism will increase and I’ll burn calories. Not only right that moment either, but with echoing effects in my body.

  • Big Goals
  • Small Goals
    • do 5K interval training 3 days each week
    • do fitness ladder training every day
    • 5 count increments on push ups / crunches
    • 1 rung each week of the Fitness Ladder

I LIKE COATING MY FINGERS IN CANDLE WAX…
So many people fail to realize the benefits of stress management. I’m making it a part of my life.

Part of this includes Yoga. For now, Yoga for me means either Sun Salutations in repetition or following along with a video, partner, or on the Wii Fit. I’ll advance with time.

Meditation is simply that. I can combine it with Yoga or perform it separately. At the very least, I’ll really gain an understanding of the backs of my eye lids.

Journalling helps me to get the last bits of thought out and bring clarity to them. And I get to whine like a little emo baby. How fun is that?!

There are no “big goals” here, because it doesn’t work like that.

  • Goals
    • Yoga 3 days each week
    • 15 minutes of meditation 5 days each week
    • Journaling 3 days each week

CURRENT STATS

Weight Loss: 0 lbs (40 lbs to go)
Inches Lost: 0 in (4 inches to go)
Push Ups: 7
Crunches: 22
Running: 2 miles in 25 minutes
Fitness Ladder Rung: 1

Cleanse Progress

Aug 15th, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
4 comments

Body

I went 48 hours without solid food. Then I starting eating one meal a day testing both my food addiction and my potential food allergies. I had to stop the “toxin flush” portion of the cleanse because it made getting to work in the morning absolutely impossible since I needed to spend about 2 hours each morning within 2 minutes of a bathroom. Not fun.

The toxin flush, though shorter than intended, was not without benefit. I feel refreshed, I have a better understanding of what goes in and out of my body, and I am most certainly cleaner. Furthermore, I highly recommend it.

The rest of the body cleanse involves making mental changes to produce a cleaner, healthier body. I’ve started strength training regularly. I’m practicing Yoga with intent. I’ve added more aerobic exercise to every day. My arms, and thighs, and abs haven’t been this sore in a very long time. I’m eating less calories and the calories that I do eat are even healthier than before. I’ve also given myself some outs so that it doesn’t feel like such a social shock to make myself better.

You don’t really realize how out of shape you are (weight aside) until you try to perform sustained exercise. (For instance: try holding your back straight and supporting yourself by your forearms and toes only — like a push up, but without moving — for 30-60 seconds without a break.) I had always assumed that all the walking and hiking I did was enough. It’s a good start, sure. But it’s not enough.

# I look good today. And I feel good too. Even if WiiFit did call me fat this morning. My body image is getting better. I know I’m overweight. I am doing something about it. I’m happy with my progress. I haven’t been able to say that in a long time.

And, yeah, # “I eat now“. This means that dinner invitations are both open and sought after once again. In fact, # last night’s dinner was awesome: Lemon pork tenderloin, quinoa, and a bean salad with lemon dressing.

Mind and Soul

Progress here has been slow and painful.

# I’ll make sense of this. Step by step, I’ll figure it out. One by one, I’ll cut off what needs to go and cherish what is left.

I’ve been spending a lot of time digging through my relationships. It’s not something anyone wants to do. In fact, most people don’t even like to talk about it because it just sounds cold and calculated. Maybe it is. Some people are able to just concentrate on the good and let the bad fall off the bottom. I don’t work like that. I have to clear the bad away and allow myself to stop worrying about it before I can free myself up to even see the good. So that means going through every relationship that causes me any pain. First I try to decide if I’ve been taking something personally that really wasn’t. Then I consider if I would have acted the same way in a similar situation. Then, finally, I look at what benefit that relationship brings me.

In the end, I don’t even have to make a decision. It just makes itself. Just giving myself the time and necessity to think about it is enough.

I’ve started rearranging my life and taking ownership of my problems. For too long I’ve been counting on other people to do their part and pitch in and it just doesn’t work. So, I’m taking ownership of it all. I’m giving plenty of opportunity and lots of warning. Then I’m moving on even if they can’t keep up. I am responsible for me.

# I’m an advocate of happiness, meaningful connections, and intimacy. There’s little to no reason to have anything else. And the improved, cleaner me will strive for that. I’ve managed to release myself from one very difficult unrewarding relationship and several other smaller ones. I feel lighter. I feel less frustrated. I’ve been able to sit and enjoy time with my wife and daughter without worrying about a hundred other little things.