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frustration

The will of a child, part I

Last night was terrible. Im laying here awake thinking of it partly because it was so bad, but also because it’s our last day together before my inlaws get here.

Despite a bad headache, a cranky girl, and a few other bad circumstances, we had a really good day until we got home. Then everything went wrong.

First there was the dinner thing. She wasn’t listening at all and almost got boiling water splashed on her. I tried the nice voice and the stern voice. I tried askin and I tried physically moving. No matter what she either threw a fit or didn’t listen. Then, when that didn’t work, she resorted to being intentionally hurtful. I would have never believed a 1.5 year old could be intentionally hurtful if I hadn’t been through it. More than once. On the same day. Which is what she did last night.

After dinner we went for a 1.5 hour walk because that’s what she wanted. We played and laughed and had fun. Except for the two times we stopped at the house to get water and/or use the bathroom. We were even playing “which house is ours” and she was so excited when she found it until she thought that meant we were going home. It didn’t. We were just walking past it. So then she changes her answer to a very angry NO, that it was definately not our house. When it was actually time to go in she cried and cried and cried. Thankfully, singing and laughing inside got her over that fairly quickly.

When it was finally bed time she wanted nothing of it. No songs. She didn’t want me to lay with her. She started getting more and more dificult. When I could think of no other options I set us up a little bed in front of the TV (which we rarely watch) to let her decide she was ready on her own. But she just got crankier and crankier. After almost 45 minutes of that I decided it was time to stop giving her a choice. Then she exploded. After dealing with that I told her that she could do whatever she wanted but that I was going to sleep. I laid down and she just threw herself on the ground and bumped her face on the night stand.

I picked her up and tried to tak to her. She resorted to being intentionally mean again. 30 minutes of laying around and talking and trying to change the subject and she finally decided she could stop being mean and that it was okay to go to sleep. It took over 1.5 hours to go from some form of very upset to sleeping.

And of course all of that is made worse by the fact that I got frustrated. I stopped being a source of calm and love and instead just cake off as upset and ocassionaly angry and yelling. Which does no one any good at all. And all of that was made worse still by this being out last nIght together before my inlaws get here. In the end I was crying and she was crying and it was just absolutely terrible.

And I feel horrible. I’d take the day off of work if it was an option. But it just isn’t for a few reasons.

At least I get to see her again on Wednesday.

Stay positive, or why Kaboom Town rocked

Yesterday evening started out terrible. I drove all the way home from Keller only to find out that I had the wrong date for the plans I was returning for. We wanted to see fireworks, there were 6 other people going including kids, and I’d ruined everything.

It took all my might to stay positive. Celeste sensed I was upset and started acting up which only made things much worse.

We scoured the Internet looking for other fireworks happening on Friday the 3rd. The only thing we could find was Kaboom Town which we knew would be packed with people, a traffic nightmare, and not nearly as family friendly as it pretends to be.

In the end our choices were either Kaboom Town or nothing at all. So we opted to go.

So I put my new philosophy into high gear: this was our choice, there are no other options, hate it or love it we’re going… So I may as well resolve to love it.

So I did.

And so did Celeste.

Yes there were too many people, food cost too much, it was not at all family friendly, and traffic was absolute chaos (though we did manage to make it home a lot faster than it took is to get there).

But so what. We had fun. Lots of fun. And hearing Celeste say “ooooooh! Booooooom!” after each explosion and get soooooo excited seeing the airplanes made all the other crap not even matter.

Kaboom Town was a success.

The next four days


My family rarely bothers to tell me about anything until it’s too late. So, if I can’t make it I don’t feel bad. Or rather, I do, but I know I don’t deserve to and am trying to talk myself out of it.

But, regardless of all that, I’d like to see my brother if he’s in town.

Friday night I have a birthday party to attend for a friend’s 2 yr old daughter.

Saturday night is the celebration of yet another cycle around the sun for a very dear friend of mine.

My brother is leaving early sunday morning. He just happens to get in tomorrow.

So, if i shake everything up, do some super packing tomorrow morning, go to work really early, leave early, and get Celeste early and book it to my mom’s I can have a hectic day filled with lots of driving, my brother, his two kids, and my parents being busy with something in the stockyards.

I just don’t know if it’s worth it. Getting out there on a week day is really tough. It doesn’t seem like I should jump through hoops when noone could even be bothered to tell me when he was getting here.

Ugh. I don’t know.

a time bomb! In my mind, Mom!

Last night was terrible.

It all stems from my inability to remain calm when there are two opposing yet equally important wishes or needs to be carried out with a deadline rapidly approaching.

Of course everything is different in hindsight. I see now that the deadline was really more of a suggestion. And erasing the deadline made one of the opposing ideas nearly disappear. If I’d had seen that last night things would have been a lot easier. I would have seen that last night if I would have been able to remain calm. But the deadline approaching is like a time bomb ticking in my ear.

“I’ve got a time bomb. In my mind, Mom.
I hear it ticking and I don’t know why.”

(The story of the song is not really fitting to me, but that piece out of context certainly is. As well as a bit from the chorus.)

I guess I finally did see it last night. But by the time I did I was so exhausted from the battle to get there that I just went to bed. At like 9:30. And, for good measure I didn’t get up until 6:30.

Those who know me will understand that 9 hours of sleep is a really, REALLY long time for me.