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health

Running with Pandora and other digressions

Apr 29th, 2010
by Jim Reverend.
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Image by James Booth

Have you ever heard Akon’s “Right Now”? WAIT! STOP! Don’t click that link! I don’t want to be responsible for what may happen afterward. I’m sure you’ve heard it. I’m quite far removed from the “cool guy” scene and I’ve heard it before now.

Maybe in the bathroom at that bootie-bumping club. Your “accidental” stop on the Top-40 station on your way across the dial. Standing outside the changing room waiting for your new fling to try on what must be the 40th pair of shoes. Through earbuds in an attempt to drown out the nagging about how fat and lazy you are that reminds you far too much of the last fling you had and this one isn’t even half as cute. You’ve heard it.

This song must be the worst song ever written. Ever.

I wanna make love right now now now.
Wish we never broke up right now now now.
We need to link up right now now now.

So why didn’t I just turn it off?

I started Couch to 5K (C25K, A program designed to take you from the Couch to running a 5K in 9 weeks) today. I had done it once before in December of 2008 but was abruptly halted due to (ah hell let’s use the oh-so-PC-term) Life Change Events. Unwilling to give myself any further cause for delay and working toward being a satisficier instead of a maximizer, I opted to let Pandora choose my music for me this time around. I’ve heard lots of warnings (no more ColdPlay!) about how inappropriate Pandora’s music selections can be. Trapping myself into them by starting a run and not wanting to stop to fiddle with music was probably not the best idea.

Don’t do this.

I picked one song that I thought was a good song to run to. Something with an upbeat tempo, uplifting lyrics, and not anything too heavy or thought provoking. I picked “I Gotta Feeling” by the Blackeyed Peas. Yeah, not the best song ever written, but it met my criteria and is apropos for my day considering I have a hot playdate tonight. (Yes, I used the words “hot” and “playdate” at the same time. Admit it, you’re jealous of me and my high-rollin’ life.)

I can’t lie
Watching everyday that goes by
‘Till I get you back I’m gon’ try
‘Cause you are the apple in my eye

Pandora spit out track after terrible track of the most boring, uninspired, uninteresting, nonsense music I have ever heard. Ok, that isn’t entirely true. It did break out with Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’” which was quite welcome considering what had come before it and what was to follow. But that was the one and only exception and it isn’t even remotely similar to the song I seeded it with. Among all of them, however, “Right Now” was the worst.

The run went well, though. Day 1 of Week 1 is meant to be easy. It wasn’t.

20 minutes of a 90 second walk followed by a 60 second run sandwiched in between two 5 minute walks to warm up and cool down. I traveled a little over 2 miles giving me a just under 15 minute mile. Pathetic I know, but it sure beats the running I did yesterday (“hey, I’m going run into the kitchen for another bowl of popcorn”). I can tell how far off I am from where I was last time by how many streets in my neighborhood I was able to cover. Before I could hit each of them once and a couple of them a second time. This time, I skipped an entire chunk. But it felt good, anyway. Okay, the very first running interval felt good. Even the second one did. The eight one sucked and I felt like my heart was about to rip itself out of my chest for a more suitable mate.

I want you to fly with me
I miss how you lie with me
I wish you could dine with me
The one that’ll grind with me

But still this song haunts me. You’ve heard it, right? The guy is basically saying, “I’m lonely and I want to have sex with you.” And he’s doing so in the worst possible way, over and over again. Any oversexed Junior High student with a Casio keyboard and Autotune could have made it.

Here, erase it from your mind. Instead, listen to a terrible Ukulele cover of “Right Now” that is, somehow, actually better than the original. What, that didn’t help?

to my health, part IV: the revolver

Jun 29th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
12 comments

I’m playing that game again where I load a revolver haphazardly with all the different things that might make me feel better and then pull the trigger as fast as I can until I do. Food, drugs, sex, music, sleep, exercise, anything! I just load it up with different combinations and go.

Sometimes it works. Not usually, but sometimes. Of course doing it this way, when it does work I never really know why. But, when I get this desperate, I stop caring about why and just want to feel better. I have money to make and a life to live and a daughter to sing to and friends to enjoy the company of. Laying in bed because the day is too bright or the world is too loud or the ground is too wobbly just isn’t an option. Which is good, because I need fewer options. I just wish I had clearer methods of coping.

I’d really like to stop guessing. I’d like to know that pulling this lever and pressing that button will fix one problem. At this point, aside from sudden death, I don’t even care so much what other things those levers and buttons might be doing, as long as the problem goes away.

Mind over matter, as my new friend Kelly pointed out, is a big thing that helps a lot. Sometimes, truly, I can distract myself enough to let it pass and do the smallest damage possible. But, more often than not, it’s too strong, or life is too steep to let that happen easily. Yet still it remains my best option.

I want more options. So, I’m seeking them.

There are a few things I can control. So I’m going to try them first.

Food.

Celeste eats five times a day. I imagine the less technologically advanced version of myself that lived 2,000 or even 8,000 years ago probably ate whenever food was around. So I’m going to stretch my own food out into 5 snacks and focus on raw foods. This works well since raw food is a good choice for Celeste too. By taking out any risk of chemical or “unknown” ingredients it will also help me determine if there is a food trigger to any of this.

Exercise.

I need more of it. I tend to get lazy in the summer thanks to the heat. I need to ignore that. Drink lots of water and just keep moving. I’m starting the Yoga thing on Wednesday. I want to spend an hour exercising every day that I don’t have Celeste, and at least 30 minutes doing light exercises early in the morning or late at night on the days that I do. So that’s the plan there.

Other things.

Chiropractic Care really helps when coupled with Physical Therapy and especially massage. But my insurance company has decided that 20 visits a year is plenty and I’m now at my limit. I can’t afford $150/week to keep going. So, I have one more visit this week and then I’m done until January. I used to have a Chiropractor (without massage) that worked for $25/visit. I need to see if I can find her again. She was fantastic.

How can you help?

Accupuncture. I’ve never tried accupuncture as a treatment for this. Not a full course, anyway. I know an awesome accupunturist. Sadly, she lives and works quite a ways outside of my circle which means that seeing her on a weekly basis would be less than ideal. Additionally, she doesn’t take my insurance (or at least didn’t last time I checked). But I did manage to find an accupuncturist near my office within my insurance program. So I might give her a shot. But if you have a recommendation, I’ll take it.

Massage. I have found great results with massage therapy. But it isn’t covered at all by my insurance unless it’s walked in the backdoor as part of Chiropractic Care. So, if you know of someone near my home or office that I can afford, I’d love to have that information as well. My neighbor is a massage therapist and I’d happily employ her, but she’s less than a month from giving birth so I’m not comfortable asking.

Herbs. I’ve yet to find an herbal mix that really works. I’ve taken lots of stuff that might work, but it requires continued use to see an effect and, by that time, I never can tell what’s working and what isn’t. If you’re an herbalist or know one, I’ll take any recommendations you have to reduce headaches, reduce muscle tension in the neck, and reduce drainage in the throat.

Blood sugar, sex, magik. You laugh, but I’m serious. In many cases I believe increased blood flow makes me feel better. And, in fact, a lot of the stuff I’ve listed above, in the end, does just that. And blood sugar surely plays a role in that. So I’m experiementing with controlling it to see what effects it might have. If you have reccomendations here, I’d love to hear them. And, it stands to reason that sex/sexuality and magik, which are both exciting, invigourating, and potentially uplifting would serve that same purpose. At the very least, it’ll serve as a good distraction. And I was just listening to “breaking the girl” from that Chilli Peppers album, so, it was stuck in my head.

I just want to feel better. And in the meantime I’m learning how to cope with things when I’m not.

To my health, part III: the hatred

Jun 24th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
No comments yet

(My first attempt at typing anything of great length on the T-Mobile G1. We’ll see how it goes.)

I had to go to three different places to drop off my stool samples due to doctor office error. The people in these places all ask the same questions and require the same things. All things my doctor didn’t bother to mention. And everyone is rude which i don’t quite get. I mean, the last person you want to piss off is the guy carrying a bag of his own feces.

My health insurance provider is trying to screw me too. Only one type of treatment seems to be working and they are telling me I’ve already maxxed out my visits for the year. So, I’m going to have to pay out of pocket.

What I need is someone that will do neck and upper back deep tissue massage for cheap or trade. Then I can throw bags of feces at my insurance company.

Two of the three drugs i was given seem to be working. I’m coughing less, breathing better, and quite ready for my conjugal visit. The third drug I haven’t even started yet due to the aforementioned bag of feces issue. So I’ll start that today.

All in all, I’m feeling better (and thank you all so much for your concern). Unfortunately, I also know that feeling better is part of the cycle. I want to break it this time.

My super hot friend Kim has convinced me to get extra hot and healthy by trying hot yoga. So I’ll be starting that this week or next. It’s gonna be HOT!

Oh and did you all know it’s crazy hat day today?

to my health

Jun 22nd, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
8 comments

It’s so strange how having a child (or anyone important to you, I imagine) in your care can change the way you look at your entire life.

Specifically, I’m talking about my health. Medical and physical issues have long since been a source of severe irritation and, sometimes, incapacitation. In the past, I’ve been content to just deal with the pain and frustration knowing that, like many things, these too would pass and leave me right where I was. But this is no longer good enough. Every day is important. Every day is critical. Every day matters. A day that I can’t be there for my daughter, and ultimately myself, is, in the best of cases, a day lost and wasted. In the worst of cases, it does more damage than it does good.

I know my issues are plenty, as are the issues of most people in this crazy, twisted society. I certainly don’t intend to blame my health for all of the problems I had in my marriage. But I don’t know that they contributed quite a bit. And, even when they didn’t, my physical health directly affects my mental well being, the effects of which are quite clear.

This weekend was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I spent a portion of Saturday night quite sick and all of Sunday trying to recover. I’m grateful that I got to spend father’s day with my daughter. And we had fun and played and laughed quite a bit. However, my general irritability due to not feeling well certainly didn’t make me the best that I could possibly be. I know I need to make room in life for feeling bad, as that’s sort of the way of things as well, this is simply too much.

So, as if I wasn’t concerned about health in general before now, I’m now making a specific effort to take time out for *ME* and to see to my own health so that I can live a longer, happier, life feeling better both for me and for the most important girl in my life: my daughter.

Fitness: Week 2

Dec 22nd, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
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After one week, here is my progress.

Weight Loss Trend
Goal: 1.5lbs per week
Lost Total: 1.7lbs trend / 3.8 actual
Lost Weekly: 0.2lbs trend / 2.0 actual
To Goal: 35.4lbs (39.2 total)
[KINDA MET]
(I am there in actual pounds lost, but the trend has yet to catch up)

5k Training
Goal: 3 days per week
Thursday, Sunday, Monday (late start due to ice)
Current Time: 3.28km in 30 minutes
[GOAL MET]

No Food After 8pm
[changed the goal to 8pm to be more reasonable]
Goal: 5 days per week
I didn’t mark which days, but I can think of only two where I failed this, so, I’ll call it met for this week.
[GOAL MET] – I think

Fitness Ladder
Goal: 1 Rung per week.
Rung 3
[GOAL MET]

(Push Ups, Crunches, and Waist Size not measured)

I think I’ve managed to get the no eating at night thing worked out. Upping the time to 8pm has helped a lot with my crazy schedule. This week I intend to keep really good track to make sure I’m making this goal

I didn’t meet my weight loss goal based on trending, however, if you just look at pure weight, I lost 2 pounds last week. So, I’ll consider that pretty good. The trend will take a little while to catch up since I didn’t get my running in for 3 or 4 days while the roads were covered in ice. Despite still being very cold, they are quite dry. It’d be even better if people could learn to turn their sprinklers off.

For those of you that offered words of encouragement, promise of reward, and other unmentionable offers, THANK YOU! Please, please, please, please, please keep it up. It really helps to have something to look forward to.

Now we start week 3.

Fitness: Week 1

Dec 14th, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
No comments yet

After one week, here is my progress.

Weight Loss Trend
Goal: 1.5lbs per week
Lost 1.4lbs (1.8 Actual). 38.6lbs to go
[NOT MET]

5k Training
Goal: 3 days per week
Monday, Wednesday, Friday
Current Time: 3.28km in 30 minutes
[GOAL MET]

No Food After 7pm
Goal: 5 days per week
Sunday, Monday, Thursday
[NOT MET]

Fitness Ladder
Goal: 1 Rung per week.
Rung 2
[GOAL MET]

(Push Ups, Crunches, and Waist Size not measured)

Not eating after 7pm is going to take a little more planning than I originally thought. The trouble is, on some days, it’s after 8pm before I’m even thinking about dinner. Especially on my “Me Time” days. So I need to start planning reasonable meal times for each day before they start.

I didn’t meet my weightloss goal but, a) I only missed by 0.1lbs, and b) since it’s based on a trend (90% of the value comes from yesterday’s trend) I didn’t actually expect to even come that close in the first week. I did analyze my caloric intake. I’ve found that, without snacks at night, for the most part, my caloric intake is right in target for my weight loss. The only issue I have is that the amount of fat I eat tends to be a bit higher than it shoul be. I’ll be trying to work on that more this coming week.

For those of you that offered words of encouragement, promise of reward, and other unmentionable offers, THANK YOU!

Now we start week 2.

I’m fat

Dec 7th, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
1 comment

I’m fat. Yeah, I’m just figuring this out now. I guess I’m slow too.

It’s not serious. But it’s borderline. No. Fuck it, it’s serious.

Most importantly, I simply don’t like the way I look. I don’t like the way I look dressed and I really don’t like the way I look naked. Well except for that part, of course. Rowr.

There was a point in time that I liked the shape of my body. I liked the amount of muscle and fat I had. I liked being able to follow each vein in my forearms. That was a long time ago. That was over 40 pounds ago. I loved those veins. I want them back.

The hardest part to admit was that I have bad eating habits. Well I do. There. I admit it.

My problem is not beer or alcohol. It’s not overly large, calorie filled meals. It’s not because I eat unhealthy food. It’s not because my meals are too high in fat or carbs. It’s because I snack. And when I snack, not only is it usually not healthy food, it’s usually in quantities above what should constitute a snack. Waaaaaay above. I could eat an entire bag of peanut M&Ms. One of the big ones. In one sitting. I’m not even kidding.

I didn’t always snack like this. And when I didn’t, despite far worse eating habits and much less exercise and the same office job, I wasn’t overweight.

I finally figured it out. I snack because, oddly, I’m doing nothing else. And the reason I’m doing nothing else is because I’m far too stressed out about the “what”s and “how”s of the things I should/could be doing to actually commit to doing them.

So, because all the little pieces trigger each other, the solution requires all three things to be accounted for. Fun, huh?

So here we go.

ARE YOU A PROFESSIONAL…
Don’t suggest I see a professional. I will ignore you at best, yell at you if I’m stressed, or send you photos of the above mentioned naked body if I’m feeling frisky.

Nutritionists, personal trainers, cuddle therapists, massage therapists, chiropractors, acupuncturists, Swedish massage professionals, and exotic dancers: if you have something you’d like to offer for free, I’ll take it — email me right away! Don’t delay!

But I’m not going to confuse and upset other aspects of the equation and throw money at the problem when, at this stage, I can clearly define the goals on my own. I’m a smart guy. I can figure it out.

  • Thighs jiggle, need less fat.
  • Couch dented, need more exercise.
  • Arms like Jello, need more muscle.
  • Can’t see feet, need smaller belly.

As I move forward, if I find I have more specific goals beyond “increase” and “reduce” then I’ll seek professional help to reach those goals if I it’s not something I can reach on my own.

GET BY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS…
So you might be asking, how you can help. Well, have I got a deal for you.

I need encouragement, positive reinforcement, accountability, support, and rewards for progress at both big and small milestones. All of this, of course, has to come from me. If I have to rely on anyone else to make this happen, then, chances are, it won’t. But patting myself on the back gets boring after a while.

If you’ve got a some encouraging words, nice thoughts to send you’d certainly make it easier on me. If you’ve got a reward to offer it’ll give me something to look forward to. Hugs, cuddles, words of praise, fabricated certificates, photos of you in a silly hat, lewd photos of you, lewd photos of you in a silly hat, you tube videos of you doing the roger rabbit, promises to wear T-shirts exclaiming “Daniel is my God” are all acceptable forms of reward. Be creative. Make me work for it.

I could also use a Yoga teacher (anyone who knows more than me), a running partner, a hiking partner, a sex partner, and an exercise partner. You know, all in the interest of health. Serious inquiries only.

So what’s in it for you? Aside from my appreciation, reciprocation, dedication, and proclamation of your amazingness, you’ll be entitled to free certificates from the “oh my god daniel is so effing hot” escort service. Need to make an ex-boyfriend jealous? Need a hot date for that black tie affair? Looking for some NSA action? Need to make sure your boyfriend isn’t gay? Then the new, improved, old-fashioned Daniel will be just what you need. Look at this as an investment in your future.

THE GOALS!

WHAT GOES IN…
I know what I should eat. I know what I shouldn’t eat. I know how big portions should be. I don’t need a plan filled with preboxed meals, or a program lined with people yelling at me to point the right way. I just need to reduce, particularly at night.

  • Big Goals
    • Lose 40 pounds
    • Lose 4 inches on my waist
  • Small Goals
    • Lose 1.5 pounds each week and keep it off for 1 week
    • No food after 7pm at least 5 nights a week
    • Drink a full glass of water before and after each meal or snack

WHAT COMES OUT…
I don’t need a personal trainer to tell me that if I move around for longer and faster than I do when my fat ass is sitting in a chair then my heart rate will increase, my metabolism will increase and I’ll burn calories. Not only right that moment either, but with echoing effects in my body.

  • Big Goals
  • Small Goals
    • do 5K interval training 3 days each week
    • do fitness ladder training every day
    • 5 count increments on push ups / crunches
    • 1 rung each week of the Fitness Ladder

I LIKE COATING MY FINGERS IN CANDLE WAX…
So many people fail to realize the benefits of stress management. I’m making it a part of my life.

Part of this includes Yoga. For now, Yoga for me means either Sun Salutations in repetition or following along with a video, partner, or on the Wii Fit. I’ll advance with time.

Meditation is simply that. I can combine it with Yoga or perform it separately. At the very least, I’ll really gain an understanding of the backs of my eye lids.

Journalling helps me to get the last bits of thought out and bring clarity to them. And I get to whine like a little emo baby. How fun is that?!

There are no “big goals” here, because it doesn’t work like that.

  • Goals
    • Yoga 3 days each week
    • 15 minutes of meditation 5 days each week
    • Journaling 3 days each week

CURRENT STATS

Weight Loss: 0 lbs (40 lbs to go)
Inches Lost: 0 in (4 inches to go)
Push Ups: 7
Crunches: 22
Running: 2 miles in 25 minutes
Fitness Ladder Rung: 1

Cleanse Progress

Aug 15th, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
4 comments

Body

I went 48 hours without solid food. Then I starting eating one meal a day testing both my food addiction and my potential food allergies. I had to stop the “toxin flush” portion of the cleanse because it made getting to work in the morning absolutely impossible since I needed to spend about 2 hours each morning within 2 minutes of a bathroom. Not fun.

The toxin flush, though shorter than intended, was not without benefit. I feel refreshed, I have a better understanding of what goes in and out of my body, and I am most certainly cleaner. Furthermore, I highly recommend it.

The rest of the body cleanse involves making mental changes to produce a cleaner, healthier body. I’ve started strength training regularly. I’m practicing Yoga with intent. I’ve added more aerobic exercise to every day. My arms, and thighs, and abs haven’t been this sore in a very long time. I’m eating less calories and the calories that I do eat are even healthier than before. I’ve also given myself some outs so that it doesn’t feel like such a social shock to make myself better.

You don’t really realize how out of shape you are (weight aside) until you try to perform sustained exercise. (For instance: try holding your back straight and supporting yourself by your forearms and toes only — like a push up, but without moving — for 30-60 seconds without a break.) I had always assumed that all the walking and hiking I did was enough. It’s a good start, sure. But it’s not enough.

# I look good today. And I feel good too. Even if WiiFit did call me fat this morning. My body image is getting better. I know I’m overweight. I am doing something about it. I’m happy with my progress. I haven’t been able to say that in a long time.

And, yeah, # “I eat now“. This means that dinner invitations are both open and sought after once again. In fact, # last night’s dinner was awesome: Lemon pork tenderloin, quinoa, and a bean salad with lemon dressing.

Mind and Soul

Progress here has been slow and painful.

# I’ll make sense of this. Step by step, I’ll figure it out. One by one, I’ll cut off what needs to go and cherish what is left.

I’ve been spending a lot of time digging through my relationships. It’s not something anyone wants to do. In fact, most people don’t even like to talk about it because it just sounds cold and calculated. Maybe it is. Some people are able to just concentrate on the good and let the bad fall off the bottom. I don’t work like that. I have to clear the bad away and allow myself to stop worrying about it before I can free myself up to even see the good. So that means going through every relationship that causes me any pain. First I try to decide if I’ve been taking something personally that really wasn’t. Then I consider if I would have acted the same way in a similar situation. Then, finally, I look at what benefit that relationship brings me.

In the end, I don’t even have to make a decision. It just makes itself. Just giving myself the time and necessity to think about it is enough.

I’ve started rearranging my life and taking ownership of my problems. For too long I’ve been counting on other people to do their part and pitch in and it just doesn’t work. So, I’m taking ownership of it all. I’m giving plenty of opportunity and lots of warning. Then I’m moving on even if they can’t keep up. I am responsible for me.

# I’m an advocate of happiness, meaningful connections, and intimacy. There’s little to no reason to have anything else. And the improved, cleaner me will strive for that. I’ve managed to release myself from one very difficult unrewarding relationship and several other smaller ones. I feel lighter. I feel less frustrated. I’ve been able to sit and enjoy time with my wife and daughter without worrying about a hundred other little things.

body cleanse progress

Aug 11th, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
19 comments

The body portion of this Cleanse is going quite well. I’ve also learned that a drastically reduced calorie lifestyle can really make a difference in how I feel.

Pros:

  • I have lots of energy. Lots!
  • My Libido has increased (I guess this is a Pro. Ugh. Send provisions, or at least photos of them! Stat!).
  • I feel lighter on my feet.
  • I am lighter. I’ve lost 5.3lbs since my weigh in Friday morning. Considering that is 3 days time, this means I’ve lost around 1.75lbs per day. (Now you’re more likely to send those provisions.)
  • I am more agile.
  • I am more clear-headed.
  • I am more calm.
  • I have more free time.
  • I feel better about myself.
  • There has been a decrease in Meniere’s Symptoms. I suspected this would happen since I’m certain most of my symptoms are food triggered and I’m now not eating any food.
  • The background mental frustration I often feel is clearing.

Cons:

  • I crave food. A lot.
  • I am more restless (probably because of that free time and my lack of motivation to put it to good use right now).
  • Headaches are still present, though fading. Again, this is quite possibly due to caffeine withdrawl, of which I’ve had none for the past three days.

Unfortunately, I can’t keep eating what I’m eating or I’ll likely die of malnutrition eventually. What I need to concentrate on once the body cleanse is complete is what foods I can eat that will bring me noursihment and energy without reducing any of these positive effects.

I’m still not free my food addiction. I’ve deliberately placed myself in two situations where I was allowed to eat food. (Yes, this means that the body cleanse will take a few extra days to complete, but the mental work involved was worth it.) In both cases I did VERY well. I was in control of what I was eating and how I ate it. I enjoyed the food and the company, but did not stuff myself. The average serving at our table of 6 was roughly 4 times the amount of food I ate on both occasions. However, the cravings are strong enough that, without the determination I have now, I would cave. So, any moment of weakness, high stress, or confusion could send me back into that addiction. I need more work here.

mind over matter

Aug 8th, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
3 comments

Right now I’m starving. However, I know that I’m not hungry. I’ve gone much longer than this without food before without even starting to feel hungry. But I’m restless. And my body equates that with hunger and it shouldn’t. That’s only one of the many reasons for this cleanse.

The “body” portion is basically a very limited juice fast. It not meant for weight loss, though certainly some will occur. The intent is toxin cleansing. On the surface it looks like it cleanses only the body. But I selected it also because I realized what it would do for my mind as well: Clearing mental toxins.

Each 10oz drink is 108 calories. I did the math. It tastes good. Very good, actually. Better than expected. The liquid of it keeps my stomach full. On top of that the vitamins and nutrients it provides are fairly complete. I wouldn’t attempt to live off of the stuff but, I’ve certainly eaten less healthy meals for weeks at a time. It’s really easy to make. It’s not at all expensive or complicated. With all of this in place, I can be certain that I’m not starving or malnourished in anyway, that it’s not too difficult to keep up with, or costing me a fortune. Basically, at least in the short term, I can be sure that everything is cared for.

It’s a mind game. By proving to my own mind that my body is not hungry, my mind is forced to realize that the only thing crying for food is itself. That part of the mind needs quieting. Even if it wasn’t making me fat, unambitious, and lethargic, the noise that it makes is a distraction I don’t need.

I had to play the same trick with myself when I quit smoking. That’s what gave me the idea in the first place.

With each swallow and each breath I seek clarity.

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