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kids

all days like this

Jul 23rd, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
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I’ve slowly been intentionally revaluating my needs and desires, changing my expectations, and altering how I operate in order to find a way to live in greater harmony with the wants, desires, needs, and focuses of a young child as a single parent.

Celeste helps pot a plant

Celeste helps pot a plant

My practice (nor my theory) is anywhere close to perfect. But really, I don’t think the concept of perfect even applies here (or to most things, for that matter, but that that’s a tangent). However, every now and then everything just falls into place. And, thankfully, this is happening more and more often lately, despite the fact that my daughter is progressing deeper and deeper into what most people claim to be one of the least agreeable stages of childhood.

Yesterday, after picking my daughter up from daycare, we did the following:

  • Went shopping at a hardware store (one her least favorite places to shop because of my hesitation to let her explore with so many dangerous things around)
  • Planted 8 new plants outside
  • Repotted Henri (a basil plant I got for father’s day from Celeste (and Jess))
  • Pulled weeds
  • Took a shower
  • Made and ate dinner
  • Cleaned the kitchen
  • Did two loads of Laundry
  • Sweeped the living room, dining room, kitchen, and entry way
  • Cleaned her playroom
  • Went out for Ice Cream
  • Went to bed at a “reasonable” hour (reasonable for our lifestyle is any time before 9pm)
  • Went to sleep without argument

Of course all of this was done in between singing songs, drawing pictures, toddler dance parties, playing chase on the front sidewalk, digging in the dirt for fun, spraying eachother with the water hose, changing diapers, wiping noses, and the other usual things. And, since there’s no one here but her and I, it means all of this was done together or in close proximity. More interesting is that it was done all with only one small protest from her once that was quickly dodged.

I’m quite proud.

It was shockingly simple, really, and involved little more than throwing away any preprogrammed notions I have of what should or shouldn’t be and just following my instinct with little concern for anything outside of right now.

It encourages me not only to continue down this path with her, but to consider treating other aspects of my life in this same manner.

The best way to sum up the lesson I’ve learned is this:

Simply allow life to be great without demand for how or why. You will find more peace and happiness more often this way.

a time and a place

Apr 10th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
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I’m getting there. One day at a time. That’s sort of my new mantra. Although sometimes, I have to resort to “one minute at a time”, I can get through.

ON MOVING

My neighbors are the best I’ve ever had anywhere ever. My neighborhood is quite nice and there’s always something going on and people to run into. I’m close enough to stores and shops and things that I enjoy and that fact gets better every day. Although I’m still a ways away from work, Celeste’s daycare is only about 15 minutes out of my way. And, as long as I don’t drive in rush hour, getting her to and from the house is not too bad.

Renting my house out would be a pain in the ass and a financial burden. Having to live in a rented place would also be a slight pain in the ass and, potentially, a financial burden.

I could move, but there’s no clear cut place to go. Keller makes since until my parents leave. And they’ve made it very clear that they are leaving whether I need them or not. Denton makes sense for my lifestyle. Justin (NorthWest of Keller) makes sense for affordable housing and proximity to lots of friends. Carrollton makes sense for being close to daycare and Jess. But each of these options also has a bunch of negatives. Imagine me going to work in Irving, then driving to Carrollton to get Celeste, then driving to Justin. I’d spend so much time driving being close to my friends wouldn’t matter because they’d all be in bed when I got home anyway. And working from home would be nearly impossible.

So… all of that to say I’m staying put. At least until I can sell or easily rent, I have a clear direction on where to live, and I can qualify to BUY the second house, not rent.

Which also means I’m putting in hardwood (or laminate) flooring. It’s not going to happen this weekend. So those of ou who have offered help (for which I am so grateful), I’ll let you know when. Soon though. I’m still trying to source the right flooring for me.

CLEANING IT OUT

My house is in shambles. Like, upside down, crazy messes in every corner. And I want to overhaul it all anyway. I do have a plan of attack. For the big stuff:

  1. Clean the Garage
  2. Prepare shelving in the Garage (my only real place to store anything in this house) to hold any bulk products
  3. Clean Master Bedroom Closet
  4. Clean kitchen cabinets and pantry
  5. Organize and add shelving to Laundry Room
  6. Figure out what to do with the game room (office? living? photo studio? your thoughts?)
  7. Prepare Guest Room (possible office?)
  8. Done!

For the rest of the house, I’m just going one room at a time nice and slow moving the mess away. If it’s stuff that needs to be stored, for now I’m just throwing it in the garage or closet until I get to them. There’s no point in trying to organize something half-assed when I need to overhaul it anyway.

HELP?

Having Celeste running around can make some things almost impossible. Cleaning the garage, for instance, is difficult. It’s too messy and dangerous for her to play in right now. And most of the stuff is too big for me to life while holding her. So, I can only clean it when she’s sleeping. Which means it could take a while.

I’m not really keen on asking people to clean my house for me. But, if you like hanging out and like children and wouldn’t mind providing an extra set of hands to chase Celeste around, I could surely use them. In fact, I rarely turn down the offer for company. Even with little to no notice. So, please, give me a call. I cook well and am always very gracious.

THE IMPORTANT THINGS

I’m slowly learning to re-prioritize myself. When Jess was around it was easy to know that if I wasn’t caring for Celeste then she was. So there was never any question when it came to stuff like “should I pull the weeds when I get home today or not?”. (That doesn’t mean I did it, mind you, but there was a clear indicator on whether or not I should).

These days that’s much different.

I’m learning that I’d rather have my HOA screaming at me for having the worst yard in the neighborhood and a happy, laughing, baby than to have the most beautiful lawn in the world and a kid who plays all by herself all the time, is require to play in a playpen every day instead of the real world, or who cries for her daddy and doesn’t receive his comfort.

This may seem like a simple lesson to you, but my sense of obligation and responsibility is strong. So I find myself very guilt ridden when making choices like this. But I’m figuring it out. Like I said… one day at a time.

CELESTE

My daughter is amazing. Beyond amazing. Not a day goes by that I don’t find myself in awe at how unconditionally I love her and how much she warms my heart and enriches my life. No matter what happens between Jess and I or what kind of relationship we manage to maintain, I will always be grateful to her for bringing this beautiful girl into the world.

vacation?

Jul 1st, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
4 comments

flying overWe leave in two days with what is probably the most hectic “vacation” schedule ever. On top of that, it’ll be the first time Celeste travels anywhere more than 4 hours away. Of course, we’re crazy, so she’ll make 7 different trips to places more than 4 hours away over the course of 3 weeks. In the words of Tim Roth from the movie Four Rooms, “I haven’t got a problem. I’ve got problems. Plural.”

If everything goes as planned it will go something like this:

Thursday(7/3) morning we leave for Syracuse by plane with one connecting flight.

Friday(7/4) morning we drive 6 hours to see my family in Vermont. We’re staying at my brother’s house with his wife and my two nieces.

Saturday(7/5) we have a big get together with whatever family my Grandma manages to round up.

Sunday(7/6) afternoon we drive 6 hours back to Syracuse and meet Jess’ parents there.

Monday(7/7) morning Jess, Celeste, and Jess’ parents drive 9 hours to where her parents live. I stay in Syracuse to work. No, I’m not happy about my poor little girl making her first very lengthy car trip and adventure into another country without me, but, this is the way it works best for Jess. Otherwise, she’d have 3 days less time to spend in Canada.

Friday(7/11) morning I make the 4 hour drive to Toronto by way of Rochester, Buffalo, and, generally, taking my time taking photos. I hang out with Kim for the evening and spend time having as much fun as is allowed by law in Toronto.

Saturday(7/12) morning I make the 5 hour drive to where Jess and Celeste are.

Then we spend all most two full weeks at a summer camp on the lake in the middle of bear infested woods using an outhouse and generally lazing around and, for those who like that sort of thing, enjoying doing nothing or, for those who don’t, trying to find activities and adventures to occupy your time. Mobile phones barely work here and Internet access is unheard of so, connection to the outside world will be nearly non-existent.

Thursday(7/24) morning we make the 9 hour drive to upstate New York to see the other half of my family. We’ll either be staying in a hotel or with my Grandma, depending on who else comes up for the weekend and how well my Grandma is feeling.

Friday(7/25) we have a big get together with whatever family my mom manages to round up.

Saturday(7/26) afternoon we make the 4.5 hour drive back to Syracuse.

Sunday(7/27) morning we get on a plane back to DFW with one connecting flight.

Monday(7/28) I go back to work because I need to save my vacation time for a trip back to Canada for Christmas.

Yeah. We’re crazy. I know. I wanted to break it up into smaller trips and combine the time in New York and Vermont into one 4 day event in order to save on the travel time, but Jess gets more time in Canada this way, even if it makes the trips to see my family a little shorter and more hectic.