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Fitness: Week 2

Dec 22nd, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
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After one week, here is my progress.

Weight Loss Trend
Goal: 1.5lbs per week
Lost Total: 1.7lbs trend / 3.8 actual
Lost Weekly: 0.2lbs trend / 2.0 actual
To Goal: 35.4lbs (39.2 total)
[KINDA MET]
(I am there in actual pounds lost, but the trend has yet to catch up)

5k Training
Goal: 3 days per week
Thursday, Sunday, Monday (late start due to ice)
Current Time: 3.28km in 30 minutes
[GOAL MET]

No Food After 8pm
[changed the goal to 8pm to be more reasonable]
Goal: 5 days per week
I didn’t mark which days, but I can think of only two where I failed this, so, I’ll call it met for this week.
[GOAL MET] – I think

Fitness Ladder
Goal: 1 Rung per week.
Rung 3
[GOAL MET]

(Push Ups, Crunches, and Waist Size not measured)

I think I’ve managed to get the no eating at night thing worked out. Upping the time to 8pm has helped a lot with my crazy schedule. This week I intend to keep really good track to make sure I’m making this goal

I didn’t meet my weight loss goal based on trending, however, if you just look at pure weight, I lost 2 pounds last week. So, I’ll consider that pretty good. The trend will take a little while to catch up since I didn’t get my running in for 3 or 4 days while the roads were covered in ice. Despite still being very cold, they are quite dry. It’d be even better if people could learn to turn their sprinklers off.

For those of you that offered words of encouragement, promise of reward, and other unmentionable offers, THANK YOU! Please, please, please, please, please keep it up. It really helps to have something to look forward to.

Now we start week 3.

Fitness: Week 1

Dec 14th, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
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After one week, here is my progress.

Weight Loss Trend
Goal: 1.5lbs per week
Lost 1.4lbs (1.8 Actual). 38.6lbs to go
[NOT MET]

5k Training
Goal: 3 days per week
Monday, Wednesday, Friday
Current Time: 3.28km in 30 minutes
[GOAL MET]

No Food After 7pm
Goal: 5 days per week
Sunday, Monday, Thursday
[NOT MET]

Fitness Ladder
Goal: 1 Rung per week.
Rung 2
[GOAL MET]

(Push Ups, Crunches, and Waist Size not measured)

Not eating after 7pm is going to take a little more planning than I originally thought. The trouble is, on some days, it’s after 8pm before I’m even thinking about dinner. Especially on my “Me Time” days. So I need to start planning reasonable meal times for each day before they start.

I didn’t meet my weightloss goal but, a) I only missed by 0.1lbs, and b) since it’s based on a trend (90% of the value comes from yesterday’s trend) I didn’t actually expect to even come that close in the first week. I did analyze my caloric intake. I’ve found that, without snacks at night, for the most part, my caloric intake is right in target for my weight loss. The only issue I have is that the amount of fat I eat tends to be a bit higher than it shoul be. I’ll be trying to work on that more this coming week.

For those of you that offered words of encouragement, promise of reward, and other unmentionable offers, THANK YOU!

Now we start week 2.

and this is progress

Dec 11th, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
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I’ve been busy lately, which is exactly what I wanted.

My personal improvement project is going quite well, though only4 days old at this point. I’ve had no offers of reward, encouragement, or companionship but I have I have inspired a few people to take a similar approach in their own lives, which is awesome. Running 3 mornings a week has proven to be the most difficult. It’s cold, and I’m tired, and it’s just so easy to say “no” and roll over in bed. But, I haven’t yet.

pushing away

pushing away

Thanks to a couple of friends, I managed to do something I’ve always wanted to do last night: photograph an abandoned building at night. It was something that I just couldn’t bring myself to do alone. Fear of getting hurt with no one to assist, mostly — either by something old laying on the property, an animal living in the house, or the hobo who might be sleeping in the barn.

I’ve been making a better effort to start documenting my daughter’s life as well. There will be more on this later, but possibly not here. I’m not sure I’m willing to link this to that. We’ll see. If you know me personally, and would like info, hit me up some other way and I’ll make sure you’re included.

I’ve been making some very good headway when it comes to sorting out the relationships in my life. My therapist agrees, which is just reassurance that I am making reasonable decisions. In many cases, I’m finding that the relationships I’m realizing I’ve lost aren’t really anyone’s “fault”. It’s just that they have become less available to me than I am. But I wasn’t keeping that in balance which led to hurt and confusion and panic. Balance is really key. I am now learning how to allow that balance to mostly maintain itself, and how to recognize when it isn’t.

All this sorting out has also opened my eyes up to some valuable friendships that I was being unavailable to that are certainly worth putting some energy into. It’s also given me the opportunity and motive to seek out some new friendships, which I haven’t really done in a long time. I’ve met a few interesting people. One person in particular, very similar to me in thought process and desires, I’ve made a very nice connection with. I’m having coffee with her this Friday, which should be fun.

I’ve got a couple more photo projects I really want to get rolling. I’m still looking for volunteers if you’re interested. Don’t worry, I won’t make you take off ALL of your clothes. :)

As the holidays approach life is getting more and more hectic on it’s own, which is also good, in a way. While I enjoy peace and quiet, I really thrive in hectic conditions.

Tonight Jess and I are putting up our holiday tree. This weekend we’ll be seeing my parents, as usual, and enjoying some time with some good friends. I’m also planning on photographing my friend’s kid for the holidays. Maybe even get some of our kids together. They are both so cute. Is it too early to arrange a marriage?

I had really wanted to attend the Dallas Santa Rampage this year, but it took more giving and planning than I wanted to invest and, when I really considered everything, the time is better spent elsewhere. But I’m certain it will be a blast and I believe there are still tickets left. So, if you’re not doing anything Saturday, you should certainly consider it.

Speaking of the holidays, I remember now that I’d wanted to write a bit about my thoughts on Christmas, Advent, the birth of Jesus and the true message of his life. Someone remind me to do that, will you?

I’m fat

Dec 7th, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
1 comment

I’m fat. Yeah, I’m just figuring this out now. I guess I’m slow too.

It’s not serious. But it’s borderline. No. Fuck it, it’s serious.

Most importantly, I simply don’t like the way I look. I don’t like the way I look dressed and I really don’t like the way I look naked. Well except for that part, of course. Rowr.

There was a point in time that I liked the shape of my body. I liked the amount of muscle and fat I had. I liked being able to follow each vein in my forearms. That was a long time ago. That was over 40 pounds ago. I loved those veins. I want them back.

The hardest part to admit was that I have bad eating habits. Well I do. There. I admit it.

My problem is not beer or alcohol. It’s not overly large, calorie filled meals. It’s not because I eat unhealthy food. It’s not because my meals are too high in fat or carbs. It’s because I snack. And when I snack, not only is it usually not healthy food, it’s usually in quantities above what should constitute a snack. Waaaaaay above. I could eat an entire bag of peanut M&Ms. One of the big ones. In one sitting. I’m not even kidding.

I didn’t always snack like this. And when I didn’t, despite far worse eating habits and much less exercise and the same office job, I wasn’t overweight.

I finally figured it out. I snack because, oddly, I’m doing nothing else. And the reason I’m doing nothing else is because I’m far too stressed out about the “what”s and “how”s of the things I should/could be doing to actually commit to doing them.

So, because all the little pieces trigger each other, the solution requires all three things to be accounted for. Fun, huh?

So here we go.

ARE YOU A PROFESSIONAL…
Don’t suggest I see a professional. I will ignore you at best, yell at you if I’m stressed, or send you photos of the above mentioned naked body if I’m feeling frisky.

Nutritionists, personal trainers, cuddle therapists, massage therapists, chiropractors, acupuncturists, Swedish massage professionals, and exotic dancers: if you have something you’d like to offer for free, I’ll take it — email me right away! Don’t delay!

But I’m not going to confuse and upset other aspects of the equation and throw money at the problem when, at this stage, I can clearly define the goals on my own. I’m a smart guy. I can figure it out.

  • Thighs jiggle, need less fat.
  • Couch dented, need more exercise.
  • Arms like Jello, need more muscle.
  • Can’t see feet, need smaller belly.

As I move forward, if I find I have more specific goals beyond “increase” and “reduce” then I’ll seek professional help to reach those goals if I it’s not something I can reach on my own.

GET BY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS…
So you might be asking, how you can help. Well, have I got a deal for you.

I need encouragement, positive reinforcement, accountability, support, and rewards for progress at both big and small milestones. All of this, of course, has to come from me. If I have to rely on anyone else to make this happen, then, chances are, it won’t. But patting myself on the back gets boring after a while.

If you’ve got a some encouraging words, nice thoughts to send you’d certainly make it easier on me. If you’ve got a reward to offer it’ll give me something to look forward to. Hugs, cuddles, words of praise, fabricated certificates, photos of you in a silly hat, lewd photos of you, lewd photos of you in a silly hat, you tube videos of you doing the roger rabbit, promises to wear T-shirts exclaiming “Daniel is my God” are all acceptable forms of reward. Be creative. Make me work for it.

I could also use a Yoga teacher (anyone who knows more than me), a running partner, a hiking partner, a sex partner, and an exercise partner. You know, all in the interest of health. Serious inquiries only.

So what’s in it for you? Aside from my appreciation, reciprocation, dedication, and proclamation of your amazingness, you’ll be entitled to free certificates from the “oh my god daniel is so effing hot” escort service. Need to make an ex-boyfriend jealous? Need a hot date for that black tie affair? Looking for some NSA action? Need to make sure your boyfriend isn’t gay? Then the new, improved, old-fashioned Daniel will be just what you need. Look at this as an investment in your future.

THE GOALS!

WHAT GOES IN…
I know what I should eat. I know what I shouldn’t eat. I know how big portions should be. I don’t need a plan filled with preboxed meals, or a program lined with people yelling at me to point the right way. I just need to reduce, particularly at night.

  • Big Goals
    • Lose 40 pounds
    • Lose 4 inches on my waist
  • Small Goals
    • Lose 1.5 pounds each week and keep it off for 1 week
    • No food after 7pm at least 5 nights a week
    • Drink a full glass of water before and after each meal or snack

WHAT COMES OUT…
I don’t need a personal trainer to tell me that if I move around for longer and faster than I do when my fat ass is sitting in a chair then my heart rate will increase, my metabolism will increase and I’ll burn calories. Not only right that moment either, but with echoing effects in my body.

  • Big Goals
  • Small Goals
    • do 5K interval training 3 days each week
    • do fitness ladder training every day
    • 5 count increments on push ups / crunches
    • 1 rung each week of the Fitness Ladder

I LIKE COATING MY FINGERS IN CANDLE WAX…
So many people fail to realize the benefits of stress management. I’m making it a part of my life.

Part of this includes Yoga. For now, Yoga for me means either Sun Salutations in repetition or following along with a video, partner, or on the Wii Fit. I’ll advance with time.

Meditation is simply that. I can combine it with Yoga or perform it separately. At the very least, I’ll really gain an understanding of the backs of my eye lids.

Journalling helps me to get the last bits of thought out and bring clarity to them. And I get to whine like a little emo baby. How fun is that?!

There are no “big goals” here, because it doesn’t work like that.

  • Goals
    • Yoga 3 days each week
    • 15 minutes of meditation 5 days each week
    • Journaling 3 days each week

CURRENT STATS

Weight Loss: 0 lbs (40 lbs to go)
Inches Lost: 0 in (4 inches to go)
Push Ups: 7
Crunches: 22
Running: 2 miles in 25 minutes
Fitness Ladder Rung: 1

bigger than I am

Nov 27th, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
No comments yet

Brian Webb – Bigger Than I Am

Roughly 10 years ago, I caught a disease. A disease of the mind. Something that wiggled it’s ways into the folds of my thought and slowly and persistently injected increasingly invalid thoughts into my brain. Thoughts that cause me to believe that I should be abused. That I should be the guy that always did things for people. That I should be the person who always went out of his way to maintain friendships that were one-sided, failing, distant, or unavailable. That I should be the guy to bear the guilt when relationships didn’t work out or when people didn’t get what they wanted from me in the way that they wanted it.

And slowly but surely it’s led me to have the self-destructive, guilt-ridden thought processes that I have today.

No more.

While there are certainly some abusive, using relationships that I’ve maintained, that is not the bulk of the problem. Thankfully, I hadn’t gotten that bad yet. The majority of my problem centers around my continued support and attempts at development of relationships that are either one-sided, or unavailable.

It’s important to note that I don’t blame these “friends”. They aren’t bad people. In some cases, yes, they were willing to take what I was giving even though they knew they were offering nothing in return. But, it doesn’t make them bad people. In most cases, it’s simply a matter of their time and energy resources being stretched too thin to support me being as close a friend as I had being trying to be. My mind, being broken, refused to let these friendships drift away as they should have. Instead, I pulled harder and made myself even more available. An invitation of any kind from them was seen as a spark and all efforts would be made to accept that invitation. If I accepted it, it often led to the guilt of having to put other things on the back burner. And in the event that I couldn’t accept, I was faced with the guilt of saying “no”.

So it’s time for a change.

this one last mistake

this one last mistake

At this point, this change is very active and prominent in my mind. Unfortunately, having active thoughts about relationships that should be left to drift away is a bit counter productive. The easiest way to fight this is to focus my mind on other things. Here’s how:

  • I’m starting myself on a new schedule that involves less down time and yet more time to reflect on good things. I’ve left lots of room for seeing people I care about, so don’t think you need to avoid me or leave me alone or let me straighten myself out. Quite the contrary, in fact. I’d love to see you, especially in a smaller group or one-on-one.
  • I’m starting or renewing a few projects — some photography, some programming, some physical. I’ll have more details on this in the future. If you’re interested in being in a new photo project and actually have some time available for this in the next 2 – 4 months, please let me know. If you don’t have the time, please don’t waste mine.
  • I’m going to focus on seeing MORE of my friends LESS often. In other words, I intend to spend more quality time with varied people in smaller groups or one-on-one. In the past I’ve sought larger groups as often as possible thinking that such events would allow me to foster MORE friendships. Those friends that weren’t willing to be involved with the larger group or then events planned were seen less often and, because of the group size, intimate, quality time was not spent with those in the group. I hope to get more out of the friendships that I have and require less of each of those relationships by spreading myself more evenly. Additionally, I hope that the true, real, available friendships will be seen more clearly this way.

Don’t think that I’m going away — it’s not like that at all. You may see less of me than you’re used to. If you want more of me in your life, all you have to do is say something. In fact, in many ways for a lot of you, I’ve been pretty distant for the past month or so anyway, so you may not even notice a change.

I feel good about this and I can really use your support. I don’t want you to fix me. I just want you to be there.

What have I done?

Nov 25th, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
4 comments

I did this.
I ain’t did this.
Kinda dun it.


1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis.
10. Sang a solo
(more…)

lessons learned

Nov 16th, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
6 comments

I need a love to help me find my way
I need a strength that I cannot betray
I need a word to say what I can’t say
I need a lover

-Cherry / The Smashing Pumpkins

It really hard to sum up a weekend like this in a word or two. I’m inclined to say “it was a good weekend” but there’s really so much more than that.

I’m at a time right now where “loneliness” is the overwhelming feeling. I feel alone, and important, and, at times, betrayed. It doesn’t feel good. In a time like this, two days alone on the road isn’t exactly a good idea. It’s not exactly a bad idea either, though.

So there it is.

The drive was nice. The weather was chilly, but also nice. Two of the four state parks I visited were nothing short of breath taking. I can still close my eyes and feel both in awe and at peace. The other two were quite nice as well. I read quite a bit, which I enjoyed. True, raw bits of nature really excite me. As does exploring new places and new things. I only wish I had someone to share it with.

In all of my time spent driving and walking and thinking — always thinking — I did learn a few things, which I guess makes it all worthwhile in the end.

#1. I am responsible for my own happiness. As much as I’d like to be able to lean on my friends, my family, and my wife for happiness, when all else fails, I’m still left with myself. I am my own last resort.

#2. I am responsible for no one other than myself, the child I brought into this world, and any commitments I have made until they are either fulfilled or broken by someone else.

#3. While there are plenty of things (friends, sex, drugs) in this world that can make me feel better, relying on them will only lead to absolute breakdown when they are unavailable when I need them most.

future proof

Nov 4th, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
No comments yet

A huge chunk of my thought process behind even the smallest of decisions centers around the idea of “future-proof” — the goal to make any plan hatched today even better by ensuring it will still be a valid plan in the future.

This can be an awesome quality. My boss loves me. My customers love me. Anyone who has ever had to coolaborate with me is full of nothing but compliments. My financial planner and I are on board. Any establishment I’ve bought anything from ever thinks I’m one of their best customers. Like I said, it’s an awesome quality.

But, it can also be terrible. In an extreme, imagine the following car buying scenario. I’m 18. I’m buying my first car. I don’t have a lot of money. A used Honda Civic seems to be a good choice. It’s small, great on gas, and dependable. But then I get to thinking, some day I’ll have a family and I might need to move something heavy on a moments notice. Maybe a brand new 9-seater SUV with a towing package would be a better choice? Of course, at 18, I couldn’t even afford the gas for the SUV, let alone the vehicle itself. I would be so stuck in the decision making state that the end result would be buying nothing at all.

Thankfully, I’m not that bad. My first car was a 1980s model Volkswagen Fox named Roxanne. But the point is, I could easily get that bad. And I am that bad when it comes to other decisions, relationships, vacation planning, and the like.

As you can see, this can be both a virtue and a fault. As a virtue, it comes naturally. I have to work at keeping it from being a fault.

It remains a goal of mine to be more impulsive and to seek the company of those who encourage it. I also constantly remind myself that the best choice for right now may not always be the best choice for tomorrow. I regularly have to convince myself that sometimes it’s okay to destroy your work from the past to build something better for now and that planning to destroy what’s been built at some point in the future is an okay thing to do.

you mean, like, every day?!

Nov 3rd, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
No comments yet

I figure, if Kristy can do it then I can because I’m a way better person than her. Ok maybe not.

But I’m going to try anyway. NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month)! Sure, I missed two days this month already, but, at least I’m starting you out with the right expectations.

Every time I look at the “word” NaBloPoMo it makes me think it has something to do with blood. The “Blo” is obvious there. I guess I think the “Po” is some take on Phlebotomy. Who knows.

Last night I saw two amazing artists in concert.

First, there was Kaki King. She’s a brilliant, beautiful woman, with some mean guitar and a voice that is pure magic. She’s got some amazing music videos on YouTube worth checking out. The art of the videos themselves really compliments her talent. And, if you just want to be in awe of her guitarist prowess, check out this live clip of her playing on David Letterman. Simply amazing.

She was followed by The Mountain Goats, a totally different variety of brilliant. With strong lyrics and emotive vocals, John Darnielle leads the audience through an amazing setlist, perforated with Kaki King on guitar playing some of the tracks from their collaborative album, The Black Pear EP, including the amazing Mosquito Repellent (sorry for the bad audio in that link).

Aside from the show being incredible, it was performed at the Granada, in my opinion, one of the bestmusic venues I’ve been to in DFW. Not only is the building interesting well laid out, the sound and light techs there always perform an outstanding job.

As if all of that wasn’t enough, I got to claim the beautiful, amazing, incredible Erica as my date. She was dressed pulling no punches whatsoever. I considered taking a photograph to share with you all and then decided I would just keep this one all to myself. Consider my selfish. I don’t mind.

The only problem with such an amazing yesterday is that today stands such little chance of living up to that standard.

C’est la vie.

I’m a photographer, damn it!

Oct 30th, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
No comments yet

Adrienne and Casey (#18)

steaming tea

catalyst

Liam the Photographer

Fog Covered Path

Jet and Emily

Celeste amongst the gourds (#2)

the warm caress of sunset (#2)

a small step

skins: cranberries

I’m a photographer, damn it! And it’s about time I started acting like one.

Sure, I always have a camera with me. I mean always.

Even on busy work days when I know there is no chance I’ll ever even take off the lens cap, I bring a camera with me. Probably a tripod too, just in case.

When the chances of taking photographs are even slightly greater than that, I bring two cameras with me. You know, something quick and easy, and then something more elaborate in case the occasion allows for it. And, just to be safe, I bring a bigger tripod.

If the chances of there being people involved are high, I bring lights as well. And stands. And remote triggers. And modifiers. I keep it all packed in a light bag ready to go, just in case.

Yes. I’m that bad. Really.

Just ask my wife. When we go out of the house — anywhere — I have more bags and equipment to carry than both she and the baby put together.

I take lots of photographs. And I edit lots of photographs. Just look at all the images in this post that I’ve processed recently. I don’t actually take any photographs.

So what’s the problem?

First of all, despite always being prepared, I don’t take nearly as many photographs as I could. Yeah. That’s me. I’m the dumbass lugging around all this gear and doing absolutely nothing with it. I have the time, the knowledge, and the equipment. Yet I don’t use any of it. When I do take photographs, it’s because I actually planned to and not because the moment just struck me.

Secondly, I have no new photography projects that I am currently working on. I have a backlog of unedited images that just don’t seem all that urgent since no one knows they exist but me. I have no new models lined up. I have no new location prospects. I have no new items on my long list of ideas in need of a model, prop, or location.

In other words, the photographs I am taking, while awesome in their own right, aren’t anything new or challenging or experimental or difficult.

It’s just not right.

And I intend to change that.

Starting now.

First of all, I’ll be taking more photos while I’m out and about. Not in that annoying “oh my god if you take one more photo of me with that damn flash in my face I swear I’m going to kick you in the balls” way as Kyro is prone to. More like the “oh my god, why is the paparazzi here? is there someone famous here?” that Jonathan exudes when he does what he does. Except with an added touch of “why is he taking a picture of THAT?” and “oh my god that photographer is HOOOOOOOOT” and “please, Mr. Photographer, take my picture have let me have 10,000 of your babies”.

Second of all, I’m detailing some new projects to work on and I’ll be revisiting some old projects. Many of them will require models. By models I mean YOU.

It’s difficult to use a model for a project that I’m not already comfortable working with. So, volunteer. Right now. Right this second. Tell me you’re interested in being in one of my projects and let’s set up a time to do a quick session and get to know eachother. Or if you have a project idea of your own, let’s hear it. Now. Don’t wait.

Finally, I’ll be making a more directed attempt at visiting new places that are photographically interesting and scouting new locations for photo sessions. If you like driving around aimlessly, standing in for test shots, and causing trouble with the locals, then you certainly want to come along with me. So say something. Now.

Stay tuned. You won’t want to miss this.

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