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plans

Still deciding

Dec 24th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
3 comments

I’ve managed to take one item off the list of possible Christmas plans and yet I’ve added another. So here it is, Christmas Eve, and I’m still making up my mind. Yeah, everything works out this way for me. It’s a curse.

I’m not going to my brothers. That amounted to the most work for the least benefit.

However, a friend (Hi, Skwid!) has offered an invitation to their Christmas festivities. There will even be another kid there and several other friends.

Staying home for Christmas Eve and Christmas Morning just doesn’t sound ideal. Several of you wrote to say that doing your own thing in your own home with your own kids is the nicest way to spend the holiday. And, in principal, I’d agree. But my situation makes that less desirable. If we only leave gifts under the tree for which there is someone present to receive it, then every gift will be for Celeste, either from me, from a few long distance family members, or from some fat guy in a red coat and silly hat. There are no other kids here. There are no other adults here. And Celeste isn’t old enough to have made or bought me anything on her own. Anyone else that could have helped her do so didn’t. Or at least, if they did, I don’t know about it and the gift isn’t here to open. While I’m a big fan of making our own traditions and having our own little life, I don’t ever want Christmas to amount to a tower of gifts in front of a child and nothing more. Because, to me, that’s not what Christmas is about at all.

To me Christmas is supposed to be about family (chosen and inherited), friendship, and togetherness. It’s supposed to be about giving, and sharing, and believing. It’s supposed to be about hope, and rebirth. The best way to make that happen is to spend it with people that care about us and that want us around.

My parents (well, my dad anyway. my mom still isn’t talking to me) have said, “come whenever you want”. And while that may seem ideal and certainly is from a “cram the most into two days as possible” standpoint, I want to feel wanted. That doesn’t make me feel wanted. Christmas in the past has always been at my parent’s and it has always been mandatory. There was simply no doubt about where everyone was going to be on Christmas day. If you had other stuff going on, that was fine, but you’d better show up and you’d better be there a lot. I liked it that way. Between me spending every other Christmas in Canada with my ex-wife, my older brother moving to Vermont, my sister desiring to have Christmas in her new home the year she bought it, and my brother having to share his kid with his ex-wife on the holidays, the ritual was strained. It could have lasted anyway. Because it was NEVER about WHERE we met, only about who we were meeting with and why. But, all of that fell through the cracks.

I put a lot of importance on ritual: with family and friends, in our day to day lives, and in my own spirituality. This is part of what makes living my life so special to me but also what makes it so difficult from time to time. If I didn’t, then these days would just be ordinary days like any other day and it wouldn’t matter nearly as much what we did or who we saw or whether everything worked out in an ideal fashion. I give Celeste gifts all the time. And we spend time with people all the time. And we spend many, many, many days and nights home together alone. And these days should be no different. Except they are.

So, all of this means that spending time with friends on Christmas Eve is really the best possible option. Friends that have gone out of their way to make sure that we know we’re invited and very welcome. It is, sadly, also the most difficult. Since I’d rather not have Celeste wake up in our empty house on Christmas morning this means that I’d have to drive out to my parent’s house late that night after Christmas Eve festivities, get our room ready for sleeping, put a toddler to bed, unpack a car full of gifts, and then get myself settled in. Or, go to my parent’s house earlier, set everything up, then head out for a lovely Christmas Eve, then head back.

So, in the midst of this pile of wrapping paper and ribbon and tape and too many cups of tea, I’m trying to figure out a plan of action that’s actually going to work, involve the least amount of driving, leave me with the least amount of stress and, most of all, let Celeste have the best possible time.

weekend recap: driving!

Aug 2nd, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
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I’m currently importing 417 photos, and that’s only one of the three memory cards I was using this past weekend. In other words, I was busy. Busy is what I do best, though, so that’s not a complaint. There should be a TON of photos in this post but, as I said, they are currently downloading. So, I’ll make another post later with photos.

Friday night I visited with Daisy and Tim, their 4 children, and an entire host of extra adults and kids. I love Daisy’s house because it’s always filled with so much warmth and so many people. And, despite all of those people, everyone always seems to get along and every need is either catered to or whisked away but more interesting things.

Aside from Friday, it was my intent to stay local for the rest of the weekend. I just have a lot of stuff I need to get done, it’s nice to live in my own home from time to time, and people can certainly come visit me for a change. But, it didn’t quite work out that way. I stopped by my dad’s house late that night to pick up the camera I forgot there the weekend before. Then I drove all the way home.

My plans Saturday morning were failed due to an unannounced monsoon hitting Northern DFW. I called my Dad to find out if it was raining where he was and ended up driving out there instead. We did end up at Boomerangs, an indoor playground for kids, which was quite fun. I forcibly convinced the staff to let me go on the toys with Celeste, so she had a LOT of fun and I got a real work out. After that, I took Celeste back to my dad’s for a nap. Later that evening we went to my brother’s house for a bonfire. Kelly and Rory were there too, which was nice. We left around 9:30pm though. Celeste was just too hot near the fire and, really, just wanted to go to sleep. So I packed up our stuff and drove her all the way home.

Sunday morning’s plans were to go for a walk at Erwin park, then get some housework done, take a nap, and then go to the pool. Perhaps top it off with another walk in the evening and, if we’re feeling really good, some ice cream. But, since some friends from Beaumont were in town and Celeste had yet to meet their 3 year old daughter, instead we drove to Allen to visit them and had brunch with Bonnie and Justin. Celeste played with our friend’s daughter and B and J’s new puppies. She was good and ready for a nap by 12:30 though, so we headed home.

Celeste is napping now as I write this. Plans for the evening involving going to the pool and absolutely, without a doubt, not driving more than 15 minutes from my house for any reason.

I love busy weekends. And I love introducing Celeste to new people and new things. I just really need to find a way to do it without having to spend so much of our precious weekend time in the car. It almost seems like we’d both be better off not seeing anyone and just staying home with one another, even though I really value being able to spend time with friends and other parents. I’m hashing out a plan that will let me feel able to stay closer to home without feeling guilty for not seeing people and for not socializing Celeste more.

this and that

Jun 30th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
4 comments

(this is just random crap. every paragraph is a new topic. skimming may suit you best, here)

I have Friday off and I have Celeste all day. Weekends are the best when I have her. This coming weekend is now 50% longer than an average weekend. It’s like a sweet little unexpected present.

I have awesome plans to see fireworks in Grapevine on Saturday night with a friend and her daughter. I can’t wait to see Celeste’s face when they go off. I can’t remember what we did last 4th of July, but I’m pretty sure we were on a plane, in an airport, or checking into a hotel room. So this is really her first experience with fireworks. I think she’s going to LOVE them. We’re going to bring some snacks and a couple of camp chairs, and turn the back of my SUV into a little bed. I doubt she’ll sleep with so much excitement but it’ll be a nice clean place to sit and/or roll around anyway.

Yesterday as I was putting Celeste to sleep, she leaned forward and gave me a great big kiss. Then she said “more dada”.

I’m planning a road trip for the end of July/first week of August. Probably 4 to 6 days. I’ve never seen the Texas Gulf Coast, but it’s hot and humid so I’m reluctant. Southern Utah sounds like fun, but the 20 hours of driving alone to get there doesn’t. Anyone want to come along? Either way, I could CouchSurf my way there. That would make it more enjoyable.

I understand that people have bad days every now and then. And I understand that bad days can lead to a snippy conversation or pointing anger and frustration in places where it isn’t deserved. It’s not great, but it happens. I’m guilty of this myself many times over. Being treated this way by other people makes me realize how difficult it must have been to deal with me when I got this way. However, when that misplaced anger turns into accusation, passive aggression, and guilt trips it becomes even worse. And that becomes a pattern, it becomes absolutely tiring.

I’m already pretty shy when it comes to girls and dating. It’s just not something I was ever very good at. Being a recently separated, single dad, who still isn’t technically divorced doesn’t really make it any easier. And between Celeste and work, I really have very little time left. So having romantic feelings toward anyone is a pretty crazy thing to even consider. But, it’s not exactly something I can stop. But even if it goes nowhere, it’s fun to think about… so why not?

Last night I went to change Celeste and whatever the circumstances were somehow she thought it meant I was putting her to bed, though it was quite a bit before her usual bedtime with me. At first I thought maybe she was just tired, so I continued with the bedtime ritual. But she wasn’t. She was, however, content to lay in bed and stare at the ceiling. It was amazing (and heart warming) to see her so willing to do what she thought I wanted even if it wasn’t exactly the most fun for her. After a little bit I asked her if she was going “night night” and she said “yes”. Then I asked her if she was sleepy and she said “no”. I asked her if she’d rather play or sleep and she said “play”. So I told her she could get up and we could read some books if she wanted. So she did. We read lots of books, had a nice snack, played with blocks, and then eventually went back to bed.

I have my last Chiropractor and Massage appointment today. My massuse says that my neck is so heaviily knotted that I’m what massage students would consider a good learning tool. Ha. All I know is that whatever she does hurts like hell when she’s doing it but leaves me with a VERY clear head about 30 minutes after she’s done that lasts about 24 hours or so. So I figure, if I could just see her every day, I’d be cured.

I have so many photographs to share. My camera never stops clicking. But, with so many I start to have a really hard time picking out which ones to share and the whole task becomes overwhelming. So, I think I’m just going to start just picking one photo a day at random, spending a few minutes spicing it up, and then publishing it. It’ll cause Arranging Light to border more on “experimental” than it has in the past, but that’s always been the point anyway.

I’m starting to have a hard time figuring out how to teach Celeste what’s okay and what isn’t. Yesterday we were playing outside and she decided to climb on someone elses front porch. I told her “no” and she ran and hid behind a chair there. I told her to come back and she wouldn’t budge. I know she was playing. “Chase” is one of her favorite games to play. I could see her playing face. And I can tell when her playing face turns into a “oh no I did something wrong” face. And eventually it did change. But, she still wasn’t moving. I eventually went up and got her. Maybe she’s just playing me but I don’t think she understood what was wrong, only that something was. I tried to explain to her that she just needs to do whatever I say when I say it, which she seems to understand, but it still didn’t fully click.

My approach of giving Celeste a “time out” of sorts in my lap when she isn’t listening well and talking to her one-on-one does work. Quite well, actually. I actually surprise myself sometimes. The problem is, it’s a teaching tool and not an action tool. Almost proving my point, we were back outside not 10 minutes later and I saw — I’m not kidding — three wasps fall out of the tree she was under and land on the grass next to her in a jumbled mass. Worried their might be more I said “Celeste, come here right now”. But she, once again, decided it was a game. I reached under the tree and snacthed her up which, ordinarily, she might have thought was fun. But coupled with my tone and the urgency in my face, it wasn’t fun any more. I don’t want to stop having fun with her, but at the same time I need to find a way to communicate the difference between “fun” and “serious”.

these things

Jun 16th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
11 comments

Fixing Things

My camera is back from Nikon Repair. In case you’re wondering how long it takes, it took 10 days from when I approved the cost to the camera arriving on my doorstep. It took about 4 days from the time I shipped it to their estimate. So, all-in-all, about 2 weeks. Not bad, really.

My media center PC is currently at the Acer repair center. We’ll see how well that goes. I mailed it on June 11th. I got notification that they received it on June 13th. I’m pretty sure it’s just a bad power supply. It’s sad thought that it took 15 email exchanges for them to agree to repair it and only after they suggested I charge the battery which, being a desktop and not a notebook, it doesn’t have. Whatever.

Buying Things

I still want a new bag. A “murse”, if you will. Something that’ll hold diapers and wipes, a sippy cup, a water bottle, a dSLR and a lens, some important papers, a changes of clothes, a book to read, a handful of personal items, and a laptop. Rarely will it need to hold all of that at once. But, it should be able to once in a while. It should be interesting to look at, have lots of pockets, have a durable base, and come in a color other than black. Ideally it would be made out of a more natural material that could then be waterproofed. Ideally it’d also cost less than $100. If you know where to find such an item, please leave a comment. I’ve looked everywhere.

I’ve spent enough time at the pool so far this year that I’m thinking an underwater point-and-shoot digital camera would be a good idea. I have a waterproof bag that I can stuff my dSLR in to. But, all told, it doesn’t work very well. It keeps the camera quite dry, which is the most important part. But the lens port constantly gets in the way of the shot making it very difficult to use and often resulting in bad images. I wish I could attach the lens port to the front of the lens in use. Then it would take care of itself. You hear that, DiCAPac?!

If I get a underwater point-and-shoot I’ll actually just buy a regular, pocket sized camera and then a hard-case underwater housing for it. That way I’ll have one of each for only a little more than what I’d pay for just an underwater camera. See, I’m smart that way. I’m considering the Canon SD1200 because it’s small, inexpensive, and the underwater housing for it is less than $200. But I’d really prefer to have manual exposure available, just in case. Any ideas/suggestions?

To round up the list of things I want to buy, I’m also considering an iPod Touch and a Mac Mini. The original iPhone and Touch could not do what I wanted them to do because they couldn’t do more than one thing at a time. The new iPhone OS 3.0 makes this possible with the Notification API. So, there are quite a few apps I’d like to write and see how well they do. With these two things I should be able to get started.

I’d get an iPhone 3Gs, but AT&T offers bad service, is slow to implement new features, and regularly indicates that they don’t put their customers first. I’d really rather not tie myself to paying them $100/mo for the next two years. That’s just silly. So, iPod Touch it is.

Plans

This weekend is Celeste’s birthday party. There will be roughly 15 kids and 15 adults there. I’m actually a little scared at how it’s all going to turn out but I’m trying to let someone else (my mom in this case) handle something for once and just not worry about it. With my personality, that’s a lot harder than it should be.

Other than that, this week is pretty low key. I’ll probably take Celeste swimming on Wednesday night and again on Friday night because why not? She loves it and so do I. I hope to spend Tuesday catching up on housework and chores and such and maybe spend some time out with friends or at a coffee house reading and writing on Thursday.

An Important Message

According to recent messages that somehow made it into my Inbox, not only is “Enlarging my male tool the best revenge for my ex” but also “my life will be worthwhile if my penis grows a little”. It’s good to know. Such thoughtful strangers to provide me with such valuable information.

weekend plans

Apr 30th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
No comments yet

Here are my plans with Celeste for the weekend. As almost always, you’re welcome and encouraged to join me or suggest better plans. And, as almost always, most of this is just a general guideline and then I play it by ear.

Friday Evening: None (movie night? play date?)

Saturday Morning: Play at the Park

Saturday Day: Friend’s Birthday Party (invite only)

Saturday Evening:  “May Day” Celebration (?)

Sunday: Visit my parents and/or Cottonwood Arts Festival in Richardson (?)

Let me know if you’d like to join me.

the state of the daniel

Mar 12th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
No comments yet

I can’t even remember *WHERE* I’m supposed to write any more, so I’m just writing here because I can. I’m not really all that happy with LiveJournal right now and I’m thinking I will find some other place to share my “locked” entries. Not really sure where.

So anyway… this will be sort of freeform stream of consciousness. Welcome to my mind.

Celeste and I are going to Mike and Lisa’s house for dinner and a playdate tonight. Should be fun. I really enjoy my friends and love that they feel personally invested in my child. It’s that whole village thing. And I’m meeting my friend Mario for lunch today since he’s in town for training, which is awesome.

Jess said she wants to stay home with Celeste Friday night and I’m torn about what I should do. I feel like I should take the opportunity for a small break and go out and do something once she goes to bed. Even if it’s just a cup of coffee alone or with a friend or two. Yet, at the same time I know I have a ton of housework and chores that I could get gone if I stayed home. And this second option has the added bonus of letting me be there for Celeste if she wakes up in the night. Not that Jess can’t take care of her — that’s not it at all — it’s just that I really enjoy being there for my daughter. Maybe I could create the best of both worlds by having a few people over for a coffee or drinks and a movie. Anyone interested?

Saturday morning Jess is also staying with Celeste. Maybe I’ll run out early that morning and photograph a bit, which I haven’t done in ages. Other than that, I’m sure I’ll stick around the house, do some cleaning, and enjoy Celeste until 11am or so. Jess is taking her on a lunch date with a few friends until about 2:30pm.

I try to invite Jess to any event that I’ll be taking the baby to. Jess is very important in Celeste’s life and I would never want to limit the time the two of them can spend together as long as I can be included too. I’m sad that Jess doesn’t share this same value. However, at the same time I fully realize that I can not dictate the choices Jess makes and have to start getting used to living in the world where I can’t see my daughter whenever I want. It’s a sad, sad world, but it is, unfortunately, my new reality. Even with that, though, I don’t think I’ll ever get to the point where I stop inviting Jess. It’s just too important to me.

After her lunch date, Celeste and I will be headed to a birthday party for Joel and Emily’s daughter which ends at 5pm. After that, I’m really not sure what Celeste and  are doing. Maybe I’ll head out to Keller and spend the night at my mom’s? Or maybe head home and have a quiet evening in? I usually like to pack the weekends with fun stuff because so much of the week is spent with just Celeste and I at home. Anyone want to have some sort of kid friendly gathering Saturday night? I can host if desired, or travel.

Sunday we’ll probably spend at my mom’s as usual. I’m not sure if Jess is coming or not. Even though it’s such a long drive to do every single week, I really like Sunday’s because my mom’s house ends up being full of people that love me and my daughter and that just makes me so happy. Again… that village thing.

And that’s it. The state of the Daniel… or at least, the future of the Daniel for the next few days. Gotta run.

Honeycrisp Ap-Poll

Oct 31st, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
No comments yet

1. Memorable Halloween costume of your childhood? Of your adulthood?
Childhood: In the 5th grade my mom made me a Hermes costume at my request. It was amazing.

Adulthood: A few years ago I went as Charlie Brown… at age 30: Balding, and a drunk wearing his signature shirt covered in stains.

2. Worst/best Halloween candy?
Sometimes you feel like a Nut, sometimes you Don’t.

Almond Joy and Mounds fun sized candy bars are my favorites. Candy Corn, those super chewy peanut butter things, and any “Brachs” candy (except the Caramels) are by far the worst.

3. What are your plans for Halloween? Or the weekend? Or November 1?
Skwid’s Party on the night of 10/31. If I finish my costume today it’ll be awesome. If not, I’ll be me. Either way, I’m bringing a camera and some lighting stuffs too.

Sunrise photos on the morning of 11/1.

Maybe a party with some work people on the night of 11/1. Maybe. BIG Maybe.

Coffee and sunday service with a friend on the morning of 11/2.

Seeing The Mountain Goats Show on the night of 11/2.

Yeah. BUSY WEEKEND!

4. What’s your favorite pumpkin-related thing to eat? Or to make?
I LOOOOOOOOOVE pumpkin seeds. The “David’s” white ones all coated in salty water residue are ok. But fresh ones made in your own oven coated lightly with sea salt. Mmmmm. That’s the best.

I also like pumpkin pie. I don’t think I’ve ever had one made from “pumpkin” vs. being made from “pumpkin pie filling in a can”. I wonder if there is a difference. Does ANYONE make pumpkin pie without the can these days?

5. BTTW/WTTW
BTTW: My wife being awesome, and my friend being awesome.
WTTW: The layoffs at work.

Top 3 audio …
Used to Get High – John Butler Trio
None Shall Pass – Aesop Rock
San Bernardino – The Mountain Goats

yesterday, today, and tomorrow

Sep 29th, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
4 comments

I enjoy having a packed schedule. It makes the down time more enjoyable and keeps me from wallowing in too much madness. Unfortunately, a packed schedule often comes with the stress of those things that are packing the schedule as well as the guilt that comes with the fact that many of those things pull me away from my wife and daughter.

Last Friday was nice. I wouldn’t have minded a few people coming over to goof off. But, as it was, it was just Jess and the baby and I, and that was just right. We watching the debate, discussed the heights of the candidates in comparison to those in the Koreas, and bragged about our own bracelets.

Saturday was supposed to be filled with family and parties and friends. As it turned out, Jess had an infection in her hand that was working up her arm. It was too serious to ignore so we called a emergency clinic who told us to go to the ER. 6 hours later, they did nothing for her but write a prescription. Later that night we got to spend some time with a dear friend of mine who is moving to Florida. She will be sorely missed. It was nice to spend some time letting loose.

Sunday my Dad and my brother and I met Johnny and Justin out in the sticks of DFW to work on the scaffolding for the Arc for our camp at Myschievia this year. (If you’re not going to Myschievia… WHY NOT?!) I can’t say it was “fun”, but I left with some work being done, a trailer full of parts, a very good plan, some sore muscles, and a tight sunburn. We headed back to my dad’s for dinner. Then goofed off a bit before meeting Johnny and Skwid for coffee and then heading home.

Tonight we’re working on the top part of the Arc. We’re all gathering at Justin’s place.

Tomorrow is a prep day: house work, cleaning, and such.

Then, Wednesday, I pick up my mom from the airport. She’s staying for a week. Weee!

weekend plans

Apr 18th, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
No comments yet

By Friday our weekend plans are usually booked solid, and this weekend is no exception.

Here are our plans. You’re welcome to join us for almost all of it, so get in touch with me if you’re interested. We’re always looking for tag-alongs and reasons to deviate from our schedule. Yeah, we’re like that.

Friday:
Evening: Going away dinner for (not my)Uncle Rob in Plano.

Saturday:
Early Morning: Sunrise photos (depending on how late Friday night is)
Morning: 8am: Hiking with Mike at Lake Ray Roberts
Late Morning thru Early Afternoon: Gardening, Dirty Photo session (participants welcome)
Late Afternoon: Wild Flower photos south of Dallas (YAYAYAY!!)
Evening: 7ish: Sheridan’s 30th birthday party in Dallas. (hahah! You’re 30 before me!!)

Sunday:
Early Morning: Coffee Conversations
Late Morning: Church
Early Afternoon: Lunch
Afternoon thru Evening: Fort Worth Arts Festival
Late Evening: Packing bags for NY