revjim.net

separation

day one?

Apr 8th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
8 comments

(I can’t keep track of what’s supposed to be a secret anymore and what isn’t. Or maybe I just don’t care enough anymore to keep track. All I know is I hate writing in LiveJournal these days, so, this is public.)

I’ve been up since 5am, cleaning, paying bills, and doing chores. I’ve got about 15 minutes free before I have to rush to take a shower, get dressed, get Celeste up, feed her, rush her to daycare and get to work. And I’ve decided to spend them with you. Awww, ain’t that sweet.

Jess moved out this past weekend. Her place is very nice. I was worried about what kind of apartment one could find for what Jess can afford but, it’s actually quite nice and I feel very confident that Jess and Celeste will be safe there.

I got another surprise (to me, not to Jess) visit from my Father-In-Law. He helped make sure Jess was on her feet and I certainly can’t fault him for that, I’d do the same. I’m still not sure why it had to be a secret. Jess decided to go to work on Monday and he was still here and, of course, wanting to see his granddaughter. So I ended up taking Monday off of work to hang out with him and take care of Celeste. It actually wasn’t as bad as it sounds. It wasn’t great either.

I tried to keep as many people around as possible while he was here and while the move was happening but, alas, at midnight or so Saturday night he cornered me alone. I don’t mind talking to him. It’s easier than talking to Jess, actually, because he speaks his mind and he tries to understand. The only bad side is that he is arguing FOR Jess with the bias that a father SHOULD have toward his daughter. Which doesn’t really make him a very good mediator. So, thanks to that conversation my situation is now a little more difficult than it was before he came. But, it’ll all work itself in the end. Maybe even for the better. Only time will tell.

Jess leaving is bittersweet. As I said (in divorce, death, and the afterlife) getting a fresh start is something I’m looking forward to. But there is some sadness there too.

Most importantly, I’m sad about the end of our ability and means to parent Celeste together. Even with Jess and I maintaining very different schedules and me spending a lot of time alone with Celeste, there were still plenty of moments, however brief, that we parented her together. Watching her run back and forth between us with a smile on her face is something I’ll forever miss.

Being able to get even the smallest of things done around the house because there were another set of hands around to care for the baby means more than can easily be explained, too. Even though it only happened once in a while, it was enough to get by and keep things sane.

There’s also a ton of mess left behind. Bedding upstairs that she slept on for one night. Her dad’s bed in the playroom. Boxes and bags full of stuff she hasn’t picked up yet laying all over the master bedroom. A garage full of stuff that needs to be sorted out. A dresser full of clothes. The good side is that, it seems, 80% of the stuff in our master bedroom closet was hers. So, reorganizing that might even be a task I can do with Celeste’s help now.

Finally, I’m worried that we may never be able to tie up the few loose ends we have with our situation. With her in this house, every now and then we got a chance to take and take little baby steps closer to the end. With her being gone, I’m not sure we’ll ever get there. Only there has to be an end. So, I’m not sure what that will take, but I’m sure I won’t like it.

Okay, that’s way more than 15 minutes. Now I’m going to be late. Send love. And, hey, let’s hang out some time.

NOTICE: Oh and if you know of any single moms or dads who would be interested in having a very caring and super awesome roommate (ok… maybe I’m a bit biased there) who would give them an awesome deal on rent and/or pay them for live in nanny services, please have them email or call me. I’m very serious.

on separation

Apr 2nd, 2008
by Jim Reverend.
No comments yet

CarpeAqua has hit the nail on the head (thanks for the link, Ryan).

Our data is on dozens of sites and for some it may be hard to keep track of every little thing you do online. [...] We feel some sort of internal need to share every single bit of our lives through every avenue we are afforded to ensure that every single person we’re connected to sees what we do. Rest assured. You are not that important. [...] Your friends will find you on the sites they are interested in joining. You don’t need to spam other sites with crossed data.

– CarpeAqua // Your Twitter is not your Blog is not your Tumblr is not your FriendFeed

Many of you think I’m a bit nuts for obsessing about separation like I do. Well, this is it! This is exactly why! Let’s say that, by chance, Mr. CarpeAqua finds my photography absolutely amazing but, despite that, he has no interest in knowing that I had no water this morning when I woke up. Maybe he could care less about my troubles with Portable Ubuntu, but finds my writing regarding my own internal struggles coping with a hectic life an an overactive brain (unlocked just to link here) incredibly interesting and enlightening. I’d rather know that he is uninterested in some aspects of me and that he is taking the bits and pieces of me that he enjoys and engaging himself fully in that than to know that he is so overwhelmed with information from me that he has no choice but to ignore it all.

I understand the need to cross-post data in cases where two services overlap and you want to participate in both. For instance, I want to share my photography with the Flickr community, the VFXY community, and with the LiveJournal community. So I post in my photoblog, and cross post to accounts on each of those services. But I try to do so in a way that separates content, either with communities, or with separate accounts entirely.

I’ve seen people doing this between Pownce and Twitter or between their blog and their LiveJournal account. This makes sense. In each of these cases the syndicated content is either a copy of the original, excerpts linking back to the original, or a subset of the original. It’s not a situation where multiple sites and multiple services are dumping all manner of content into one pile of madness. Imagine if my LiveJournal updated every time I posted a Tweet?

For those places where the lines are a little blurry I like digest posts. If I have a blog about my life, and I also happen to use Twitter to account for a very detailed breakdown of my life, making a digest of Twitter posts in the blog about my Life just makes sense. If I happen to use Tumblr to post interesting tidbits of interest to Technically minded people, then a digest of that finding its way to my Technical blog makes sense.

Having all of your content in every place all of the time is just silly, wasteful, complicated, and annoying. But, if that’s what you want, there are services that do this and do it well, like FriendFeed. Taking a look at my FriendFeed, you can see how annoying having everything in one place might be for someone who was only interested in black and white photography of the female form. But, of course, if you want EVERYTHING, then FriendFeed works for you.

So yeah. Reading the thoughts of others on this has encouraged me to separate even more. If you can’t handle a few more adds to your LiveJournal friends list or a few more notches in your Google Reader, then maybe you aren’t all that interested in the first place.