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texas

shared living: searching for community

image by 27147

As we live a life of ease
Every one of us has all we need,
Sky of blue, and sea green,
In our yellow submarine!

I’m amazed at how many of my friends are interested in living together. It makes me believe that maybe the culture I’m looking for here in Dallas isn’t lost after all. I’ve seen an outpouring of ideas and offers from lots of people over the past week or so and it’s really helped me flesh this out a bit.

One of the most interesting offers was to share a home with a family in Austin. The family is already very dear to my heart and like-minded in terms of family and responsibility. And I long ago decided that Austin was an ideal city for me if I was going to stay in Texas. This seemed like a perfect situation.

But, the more I consider it the more I realize how much risk and difficulty there is involved with it. I’d have to take C away from her Mom. It’s only a few hours away and she’d still be able to see her almost as often as she’d like. But, it adds some complication. Factor in that I’d need to drop everything, move, look for a job, rent out my house, and leave everything I know and love here in DFW, it was just too much to do all at once. I still think this is ideal, and if I haven’t found what I’m looking for in Dallas within a few years, I’ll start looking out that way again. But for now, I think I have to let that go.

Another amazing offer I received was to share a home with a family in North Richland Hills. This place is beautiful! There’s lots of room! I’ve been friends (though not incredibly close friends) with half of the parental unit for over 10 years. I met the rest of the family and we all got along wonderfully. I’m still having conversations with them and working some bits out in my head.

But, as I see it now, there are a few limiting factors. Despite being a huge home, there are only 4 bedrooms. 3 of them are occupied by this family, so C and I would share a room. We do that now, so that’s okay. But as she gets older I’d prefer she share with another child. There’s nothing to say she couldn’t share with one of the other kids though. So that’s a wait-and-see kind of thing. The other limiting factor is that this house very much belongs to this family. I had envisioned a “our home” mentality and perhaps this would blossom into that as time progressed, but that isn’t the feel I got right away. So, another wait-and-see. The biggest limiting factor, though, is that, because after I move in all the rooms would be taken, it will be, at most, a two family home. Again, the family there said that there might be opportunity for more but wants to do it on a wait-and-see basis. So there’s a whole lot of wait-and-see.

I’m okay with wait-and-see. But I’d like to limit the disruptions to my daughter’s life as much as possible. With a move, a change in schooling/daycare, a whole new city, and the need to untie us from our current house, that’s a LOT to go with for so much wait-and-see. I’m still talking with them, and we’re going to have lots of sleep overs in the future, both to see where this goes and also because I’m excited to have met a friendly, open, like-minded family with an open-door policy so similar to my own.

So that leaves me with three options for now. I intend to pursue all three until one pans out.

I am going to keep looking for an existing home that I could share with another family. Ideally, there’d be room for at least three families but I’m flexible there for the right situation. Proximity to Irving, Denton, or Dallas is ideal, though not required. If you know of anyone that lives in a home with a room or two that they would spare and are interested in an intentional community of this nature, please let me know or send them my way.

I am going to think of ways to make my current home more suited to multi-family living and seek out families to share it with. I got an offer from a friend who would be willing to share my home. However, with her and her daughter here, that exhausts all of the “conventional” sleeping space my home has to offer (and that’s with our daughters sharing a room). The rooms in my house are large, however. So I’m looking for creative ways to split them into smaller spaces suitable for children as well adults who would consider even more open-minded living arrangements (like large rooms being shared by adults, etc). If you’re creative and budget-minded and would like to help me think of ways to split up this space let me know. If you would be open to “interesting” living arrangements with a very small financial obligation, contact me.

Finally, I’m looking to buy a home more suitable to what I want. Something large-ish with emphasis on the number of rooms not the size of them. Ideally in the Denton, Coppell, or Dallas (Oak Cliff, likely) areas. If you know of a home like this, or would be interested in helping to find one and share it, please let me know.

a common goal

My dream is to live in — for lack of a better term — a commune. A group of 10-50 people (adults, kids, animals, etc) living on the same property, occupying the same communal spaces, and spending at least part of their energy working toward a common goal. Something similar in feel to La Selva. But, I also realize that finding a like minded commune to join or finding a property and financial means to start my own may be far off. So, in the mean time, I’m seeking what has recently been dubbed the “mini-commune”.

My vision of the Mini-Commune is between 2 and 5 families (depending on the size of those families and the size of the dwelling) sharing a single, larger house. Ideally, the house would have lots of smaller rooms to be used as bedrooms as well as several larger rooms to be used as communal living spaces. Certainly some properties will lend themselves better to this than others but, as long as it’s large enough, almost anything can be made to work.

The benefits of even the mini-commune are quite impressive.

First, there’s the sheer financial aspect of it all. Based on a house I’ve been able to find in the area and average expenses, with even 3 families living together the monthly cost would be around $575/family. When you factor in group meals (less eating out), bulk purchases, and reduced needs for travel, you save even more. Consider the fact that, under this arrangement, it might be possible to get rid of as many as half of the vehicles owned by the group, there’s even more savings. Once you bundle in the social aspects of always having a “family” of people around to lend a helping hand, to make tedious tasks more enjoyable, to provide comfort, and to encourage it, the cons seem entirely manageable.

The cons, of course, having to share a space with other people. If people are inconsiderate, rude, sloppy, or selfish, sharing a space with them can be difficult if not impossible. Obviously, this would require appropriately minded people. I think it’s very important to select fellow commune (or mini-commune) members based on their nature and their lifestyle and how close to your own that those things are more so than how well your interests mesh with theirs or how close of friends you may be now. As you get deeper into the communal unit, more cons can arise, like not having certain amenities (cars, showers, etc) available to you the very second that you want them. It is very much about personal sacrifice in order to increase the benefits for all, including yourself. However, in an ideal commune, these issues will be worked out as a matter of routine. In the fully fledged commune, one could alter the dwelling to more closely match the needs of those that lived there. In this mini-commune one would have to be willing to adapt to what was available.

The fully fledged commune would, of course, be able to grow vegetables, raise a garden, and contribute space to the greater community as well. These things would only be possible in much smaller doses in a mini-commune.

I haven’t fully fleshed out where I’d like to live. But, my tentative selections are Denton, Coppell, Western Dallas (as long as we have home schoolers), and “The Sticks”. If you’re interested — truly interested — in joining let me know. And, if you have any advice (other than, simply, “COMMUNES SUCK”) I’d love to hear it.

Texas Coast, Day V and VI

Day V

sunrise over Crystal Beach

Sunrise

Sunrise this time of year on the Bolivar Peninsula is a photographers dream. The angle of the peninsula causes the sun to rise in EXACTLY the right spot over the shore to allow you to photograph the sun, the shore, and the sea all from the best possible angle. Standing on the shore before dawn is surreal. You can see, but just barely. The waves are crashing against the sand. The sky is enormous. And everything is waking up all at once and you’re there watching it all.

It religious. I don’t care what religion you subscribe to. If a sunrise like this isn’t a religious experience to you then I don’t think there is any level on which you and I can relate.

a suitable meeting place

NUDE!

Two things have been on my list of things to do for a LONG time now: 1) Visit a Nude Beach and 2) Go Skinny Dipping. So, when I heard that the Bolivar Peninsula has its very own nude beach, I had to visit.

So I set out to do just that. I wasn’t sure if I’d even be able to get out of the car. I’m pretty shy and fairly modest unless I’m really comfortable with you. But, I knew I had to try.

The road there is not welcoming. All signs tell you to turn, but you go straight. Then the road you are driving on is tore up, bad. Eventually, it turns into nothing but sand a large rocks. There is trash everywhere. The shoreline is not sand but, instead, mud. Black mud at that. Despite all of this, there are people camping and swimming every where. I’m not sure why, since there are perfectly nice and free beaches less than a mile away. None the less I continued on.

More dirt, more sand, more trash, more gross, yet I continued on. The directions said go at least 3 miles. I have 4 wheel drive with locking differentials. Even then I felt like I might have gotten stuck a time or two. Yet I continued on. I drove for 5 miles. There were no cars, no people, certainly no naked people; nothing but trash and gross. So I gave up and turned around.

Not even 30 second after I did a truck approached and passed me. Perhaps I hadn’t gone far enough? Perhaps I should have turned around right then and went even further? Regardless, I didn’t bother. I continued on and headed back to base camp.

water, life

A Nice Swim

Once back at the beach house, Justin and I went for a nice swim. His mom drove down and met us for the ocassion. I love swimming in the ocean. Even on the peninsula where the water is more shallow (and a bit more sandy) then other ocean locations, it’s amazing and so very powerful. The waves weren’t too high so I swam out a bit, floated on my back, and let the waves carry me where they wanted to. I ended up a hundred yards or so down shore by the time I’d had enough.

After our swim we got some lunch, hit the liquor store, and started making Pina Coladas.

bolivar lighthouse

Looking for Decay

After a few drinks, Justin and I set out to Port Bolivar and the surrounding area to take photos of dilapidated and abandoned buildings. I got quite a few great photos.

In particular, there is an abandoned motel. The carpet and doors and windows and furnishings are all missing. The walls are busted and broken. Yet the structure is mostly still there. It was beautiful.

Then we got home and set Bonnie up to spin Poi on the beach as the sunset. Another spectacular experience that I was happy to get to photograph.

the light in her eyes

Day VI

We got up early, packed the car, and headed out. We drove straight home so, aside from good music and good conversation, neither of which reproduce well here, there isn’t much to tell. I did get to see Dolphins in Galveston Bay from the ferry though, which was awesome.

As soon as we got home, we unloaded the car. Then I put the carseat back in, gave Justin’s car a jump because he’d left his lights on, and headed out to pick up Celeste from daycare.

I almost cried when I saw her and saw the smile on her face. I had been doing everything I could not to miss her. So when the moment I got to see her again finally came, all that missing came flooding with it. I managed to hold the tears back long enough to get her in the car and get on my way back home.

We had a nice dinner, an awesome walk, and a fantastic evening.

So good, in fact, that I’ve decided to extend my vacation through to Sunday. So you’ll have three more days of updates. Ha.

Poll Position

1. What was a guilty-pleasure song of yours in high school? You loved it without irony? Even though you knew it was wrong?
In high school I loved Def Leppard. But, I didn’t think it was wrong. I KNEW it was OH SO RIGHT.

2. What do you spend altogether too much time on?
Thinking. Worrying about the happiness of others.

3. What’s a memorable piece of clothing you misplaced?
I had a multi-colored sweatshirt that I loved and wore all too often for about 5 years straight. I lent it to Jess when we first met and she still lived in Canada. I didn’t see it again for a long while. But, just recently, Jess found it. I seriously doubt it would fit now. I’m not even going to try it on.

4. Top 3 things you’re most likely to have for breakfast.
In order of probability: Coffee, An Energy Bar, Toast with Peanut Butter

5. BTTW: Sitting peacefully, overlooking the beautiful Texas landscape, with no sound except the wind blowing and the water moving, and managing to clear my head just long enough to enjoy it.

WTTW: Being alone. Both literally and figuratively.
Top 3 Audio
Brand New – Jesus Christ
The Smashing Pumpkins – Cherry
Radiohead – Street Spirit

Road Trip planning, part 2

So yesterday I claimed I was going to Lost Maples.

Ha ha hahaha. Just kidding.

Lost Maples an 8 hour drive for me, each way, and I’ll have to do it alone which exactly what I don’t need right now. Additionally, right now on weekends, Lost Maples has a 3 hour way to get in. So Lost Maples is out.

I had started making plans to head toward Arkansas for the weekend, but I just couldn’t work it out to where i was happy. Then the best plan ever finally hit me. I’m headed for central Texas including Colorado Bend State Park.

Here it is. Times are rough because, hell, it’s a road trip. (view route on Google Maps)

SATURDAY
5:00am: Leave Home
7:00am: Arrive at Cleburne State Park (Cleburne, TX)
* Enjoy Cleburne State Park
9:00am: Leave Cleburne State Park
10:30am: Arrive at Lake Whitney State Park (Whitney, TX)
* Enjoy Lake Whitney State Park
1:30pm: Leave Lake Whitney State Park
3:30pm: Arrive at Mother Neff State Park (Moody, TX)
* Enjoy Mother Neff State Park
* Sunset
6:00pm: Leave Mother Neff State Park
7:00pm: Arrive at hotel in Killeen, TX
* Dinner

SUNDAY
4:45am: Get ready
5:15am: Leave Hotel
7:00am: Arrive at Colorado Bend State Park (Bend, TX)
* Enjoy Colorado Bend State Park
11:00am: Leave Colorado Bend State Park
* Lunch
3:30pm: Arrive at Mineral Wells State Park (Mineral Wells, TX)
* Enjoy Mineral Wells State Park
6:00pm: Leave Mineral Wells State Park
8:00pm: Arrive Home