revjim.net

village

A surprise in the family

Nov 23rd, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
No comments yet

Last Wednesday I was in a car accident. I wasn’t hurt and Celeste wasn’t in the car. But, two of my airbags deployed, the rear axle and the frame was bent and, after lots of number crunching, the insurance company decded to total the vehicle.

So I got a rental car that day. Two days later, C and I stopped at the body shop to get my stuff out of the car before releasing it. It’s moments like these that I am so happy that Celeste is such a good kid, because I don’t know what I’d have done otherwise. She sat and played quietly in the back of the broken car while I quickly pulled all of our stuff out of it. Then we headed home to pack a bag and then head to my mom’s house.

My mom and sister offered to watch Celeste on Saturday so I could go car shopping. Without thier help I don’t know what I would have done. Car buying is not easy. And even less easy with an antsy 2 year old.

9 hours later, I was a Subaru Outback owner. More on that later. My brother-in-law saved my ass that day too. First, he came up to the dealership to help me make sure I asked all the important questions. Then, he went way out of his way to help me return my rental car so that I wouldn’t be an hour away from home with a kid and 2 cars. Once again, I don’t know what I would have done had he not offered to help.

So, thanks to my Mom, my sister, and my brother-in-law, I managed to take care of something that would have been all but impossible to do on my own.

I missed Celeste more that Saturday than I usually do. When her mom has her, I guess I’ve learned to somewhat tune that out, because there’s nothing I can do to change it. But with my daughter just around the corner at my mom’s house, on one of the longest and best days of all — Saturday — it was so hard to not just run away from the stuff that needed to be done so I could go spend the day with her. If I hadn’t, though, my only other opportunity would have been the Tuesday after Thanksgiving and I didn’t know how long I’d be able to keep the rental.

So, all in all, I am grateful for my family today, and grateful that I wrapped this mess up as quickly as possible so we can get back to normal life, whatever that is.

the importance of nylon

Aug 19th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
7 comments

I came to Starbucks on my lunch break in order to edit photos from my Monday night photo session. But it looks like my photos didn’t quite make it over during the backup/sync that ran last night. It’s trying to finish up now but, the starbucks network isn’t exactly speedy.

So, instead of editing photos you get a life update. I’m sure you’ll love it (or pass over it) but that means I’ll have to stay up later tonight to get it done. Ah well. That’s better than searching Hulu over and over again hoping for a new episode of “Warehouse 13″ or “Defying Gravity”. And I really should clean out my pantry someday, but, I’d more than likely put it off again.

This weekend is going to be crazy fun. As I mentioned in a Twitter update earlier (complete with calendar screenshot), I’ve got a lot going on. Saturday morning I’ll be driving to Forney to meet up with some other people, photograph the town and some crazy antiques store. Saturday evening is a Mojito party with lots of new faces. And I’ve since made plans to go hang out with some good friends Friday night (“Frolicking in the Village” is how I labelled it on my calendar).Then, the craziest thing of all, Sunday I’m jumping out of a plane.

Yes… that’s right. I’m going skydiving.

Well… by “going skydiving” I mean I’m driving to the place that does skydiving and giving them my money. I’m still not sure on the whole jumping out of the plane, plummeting to my death and, at the very last minute, relying on a man I don’t know to deploying a few pieces of nylon cloth and some rope in the hopes that it will save my life all in the name of a good time. I’m scared to death.

I’m glad my weekend is packed though. This is an “off” weekend — a weekend where I don’t have Celeste and only get to see her 2 days during the week. So anything I can do to distract me from missing her so much is a good thing.

little pieces

Jul 25th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
2 comments

You might be surprised at how many times I’ve sat down to write as I am now, and the first things I’ve typed have said something to indicate that I had no idea what I was going to write and I hoped that, in the end, it was at least a little interesting for you, and a little helpful for me. Often, by the end, there is a clear point and I delete those words. Maybe I will today too.

hopeful

hopeful

A Dream and a Kiss

My dreams have never been at all similar to the types of dreams I hear most people talk about. For instance, until fairly recently, I’d never had a dream about any kind of sexual activity. Nudity, sure, but that’s it. When it finally did happen, it was mostly awkward in my dream and left me laughing about it when I woke.

Last night I dreamt about a kiss. Not only was it an unexpected dream, but the kiss itself was unexpected in the dream, lasted all of 3 seconds, and was quite wonderful. I’m not sure what that says about me or how I’m supposed to interpret it. Maybe I really don’t care. It was a nice dream. In true form for me, the other participant was not anyone that I currently have romantic interest in. Not that I wouldn’t or won’t in the future. It’s just the way things work. And I use the words “romantic interest” very loosely. I am, after all, a recently separated, single father with a stressful job who lives far away from everyone he knows.

A Lake and Fireworks

I spent last night at the lake with good friends, swimming and watching fireworks. I’ve brought Celeste swimming quite a bit this summer and she’s taken to the water like a fish. With so many boats in the lake, this was her first time to experience waves of any kind. Though they were small, some were at least half her height and definitely capable of overpowering her. She did well though. The first few knocked her underwater. She’s known how to hold her breath for quite a while, so that wasn’t a problem. She’d wait for me to scoop her up and then try again. Eventually, she let go of some of her independence when she realized she’d have a lot more fun in the “deep” water if she held on to something like my leg. If I wasn’t walking fast enough for her she’d say “Dada! Move!”. I’d ask her which way and she’d point out toward the middle of the lake. And that’s one reason among millions why she brings so much light into my life.

My clothes were still wet when I got home.

admiration

admiration

My Time and a Break

A good friend recently asked me, in regard to parenthood, “But, don’t you ever enjoy a break?” This is my response to her, with some editing and more added in.

It’s not that I don’t enjoy a break. But, when I get one, more often than not, I just find myself wishing Celeste was there. Especially after more than a few hours. More than anything it’d be nice to be able to “tag out” every now and then when I get frustrated or overwhelmed. That way I can calm down in my own space without having to do it in front of Celeste. But, that’s not a choice I have so I’m doing the best that I can.

I think if I had a partner — like a real partner, with two-way communication and sharing of duties, though not necessarily a wife or even a female — I’d have the best of both worlds. Then I could ask for a morning every now and then to myself and go find a sunrise and not have to worry about taking Celeste with me. Or I could stay up late and drink here and there not worry about having to be up in the morning with the kiddo.

Then again, when I do have time away from her (which is far too often) I rarely, if ever, spend it out drinking. And, though I’m not sure her young mind can possibly appreciate it in the same way I do, one of the things I look forward to most is being able to show my daughter a waterside sunrise one day.

I do have plenty of Daniel Time, despite my packed schedule and constant lists of chores. But, if I get to choose how to spend my Daniel time, it’ll probably be surrounded by my friends and their kids and, ideally, my kid too.

Parenting and Friends

I don’t think parenthood is something everyone should engage in. In these times, being a parent is not a requirement for our race to thrive. And there are enough distractions in life to make a childless life VERY rewarding. I don’t judge anyone who chooses not to have children and I appreciate all of those who choose to spend time with mine. But I do believe that almost everyone is capable of being a good parent if they can let go of time tables and silly schedules and just trust themselves.

And I think that parenting is always done best surrounded by as many people as possible. Yesterday was amazing: 6 kids, 5 adults, and everyone naturally looking out for everyone else. We all watched out for eachother’s kids and, even with sharp cliffs nearby in the almost pitch black, we could all rest assured that turning our eyes away from our children was an okay thing to do, because there were so many others watching out for them.

Celeste’s Birthday

Jun 20th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
No comments yet

Today is the day of Celeste’s 18 month birthday party. I am so excited for so many reasons.

I love kids in general. But I especially love these kids. Each of these families is close to me in one way or another and being able to see them interact and play together is very special. Especially when Celeste can be there too.

I am also excited to have so many of the people that I care so much about and respect so deeply getting together. Many of the friends I have live scattered about DFW. They all have busy lives, hectic schedules, jobs and obligations. Getting them all in one place at one time is not something that happens too often. Some of them are parents with very different philosophies about raising children but all with the same goal in mind: to raise happy, healthy, well behaved kids with the freedom to be themselves and the respect to let others to do the same. Some of them are not parents but have played a close role in Celeste’s life, nuturing her, loving her, spending time with her, and caring for her as though she were their own.

Today a big piece of my village will come together, even if just for a little while, and I’m proud that Celeste’s birth is the cause for that ocassion.

a time and a place

Apr 10th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
No comments yet

I’m getting there. One day at a time. That’s sort of my new mantra. Although sometimes, I have to resort to “one minute at a time”, I can get through.

ON MOVING

My neighbors are the best I’ve ever had anywhere ever. My neighborhood is quite nice and there’s always something going on and people to run into. I’m close enough to stores and shops and things that I enjoy and that fact gets better every day. Although I’m still a ways away from work, Celeste’s daycare is only about 15 minutes out of my way. And, as long as I don’t drive in rush hour, getting her to and from the house is not too bad.

Renting my house out would be a pain in the ass and a financial burden. Having to live in a rented place would also be a slight pain in the ass and, potentially, a financial burden.

I could move, but there’s no clear cut place to go. Keller makes since until my parents leave. And they’ve made it very clear that they are leaving whether I need them or not. Denton makes sense for my lifestyle. Justin (NorthWest of Keller) makes sense for affordable housing and proximity to lots of friends. Carrollton makes sense for being close to daycare and Jess. But each of these options also has a bunch of negatives. Imagine me going to work in Irving, then driving to Carrollton to get Celeste, then driving to Justin. I’d spend so much time driving being close to my friends wouldn’t matter because they’d all be in bed when I got home anyway. And working from home would be nearly impossible.

So… all of that to say I’m staying put. At least until I can sell or easily rent, I have a clear direction on where to live, and I can qualify to BUY the second house, not rent.

Which also means I’m putting in hardwood (or laminate) flooring. It’s not going to happen this weekend. So those of ou who have offered help (for which I am so grateful), I’ll let you know when. Soon though. I’m still trying to source the right flooring for me.

CLEANING IT OUT

My house is in shambles. Like, upside down, crazy messes in every corner. And I want to overhaul it all anyway. I do have a plan of attack. For the big stuff:

  1. Clean the Garage
  2. Prepare shelving in the Garage (my only real place to store anything in this house) to hold any bulk products
  3. Clean Master Bedroom Closet
  4. Clean kitchen cabinets and pantry
  5. Organize and add shelving to Laundry Room
  6. Figure out what to do with the game room (office? living? photo studio? your thoughts?)
  7. Prepare Guest Room (possible office?)
  8. Done!

For the rest of the house, I’m just going one room at a time nice and slow moving the mess away. If it’s stuff that needs to be stored, for now I’m just throwing it in the garage or closet until I get to them. There’s no point in trying to organize something half-assed when I need to overhaul it anyway.

HELP?

Having Celeste running around can make some things almost impossible. Cleaning the garage, for instance, is difficult. It’s too messy and dangerous for her to play in right now. And most of the stuff is too big for me to life while holding her. So, I can only clean it when she’s sleeping. Which means it could take a while.

I’m not really keen on asking people to clean my house for me. But, if you like hanging out and like children and wouldn’t mind providing an extra set of hands to chase Celeste around, I could surely use them. In fact, I rarely turn down the offer for company. Even with little to no notice. So, please, give me a call. I cook well and am always very gracious.

THE IMPORTANT THINGS

I’m slowly learning to re-prioritize myself. When Jess was around it was easy to know that if I wasn’t caring for Celeste then she was. So there was never any question when it came to stuff like “should I pull the weeds when I get home today or not?”. (That doesn’t mean I did it, mind you, but there was a clear indicator on whether or not I should).

These days that’s much different.

I’m learning that I’d rather have my HOA screaming at me for having the worst yard in the neighborhood and a happy, laughing, baby than to have the most beautiful lawn in the world and a kid who plays all by herself all the time, is require to play in a playpen every day instead of the real world, or who cries for her daddy and doesn’t receive his comfort.

This may seem like a simple lesson to you, but my sense of obligation and responsibility is strong. So I find myself very guilt ridden when making choices like this. But I’m figuring it out. Like I said… one day at a time.

CELESTE

My daughter is amazing. Beyond amazing. Not a day goes by that I don’t find myself in awe at how unconditionally I love her and how much she warms my heart and enriches my life. No matter what happens between Jess and I or what kind of relationship we manage to maintain, I will always be grateful to her for bringing this beautiful girl into the world.

join your village

Mar 30th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
10 comments

Maybe you all thought I was kidding when I suggested going grocery shopping together. I can assure you I was not.

I firmly believe that, with or without children, there is a large, often unrecognized, benefit found in participating in everyday activities in a group or social atmosphere. As a society, we often get together for movies, clubs, sporting events, concerts, meals out, birthdays, and the occasional house party. These events often require planning, and either occur outside of our usual living spaces or in a living space that has been prepared for the occasion. It is unfortunate that we rarely get together simply to enjoy each others company with no other purpose. And, even more rare, are the occasions where we get together to accomplish a simply menial task in a manner that is made more enjoyable by the company of others.

So… I’m serious. Let’s make plans. This week.

Pick a day this week. Any day will do. Then invite me to your home. Or invite yourself into my home. Or request company for a menial or otherwise isolated task — chores, shopping, a long drive, TV watching. Or offer your company for a menial task.

If you hate it, you never have to do it again.

Go on. Give it a shot.

it takes a village

Mar 5th, 2009
by Jim Reverend.
16 comments

I am a strong believer that “it takes a village to raise a child”. Beyond that even, I believe it takes a village to be a well functioning, stable human being. With the exception of very recent years relative to the entirety of human history, a life of mostly solitude with only moments of social interaction has never been the norm. Even when it started to turn in that direction, there was still a strong emphasis on immediate family. Let’s face it, we humans are not meant to be hermits.

When you throw a child into the mix and then introduce our modern society, this becomes even more apparent. As a father I can tell you that even a simple act like grocery shopping is made infinitely easier and more enjoyable when done with a partner. And that neither the partner nor the activity itself is put out in any way by joining together. Yet so many of us do something as simple and required as grocery shopping entirely alone.

Last Saturday night, I got the first real experience of being surrounded by my village. I invited LOTS of people over to my home for a Spaghetti dinner. I refused to say “no” to anyone who RSVPed (until the day before when I had already bought everything and was starting to chicken out.. ha). I invited my family, I invited my friends and all of their children, and I invited single friends who were child friendly.

In the end there were 6 adults and 5 children (ages 4, 3, 2, 1 and 1). I don’t have 11 seats at my table. I don’t have 5 child-safe plates. In addition, Jess was not home so I was doing all of the cooking and preparation with Celeste on one hip because she just didn’t want to be on her own that day. This sounds like a recipe for chaos and frustration. I know. But it wasn’t. Everyone pitched in without being asked to. People watched Celeste without question when I had to handle hot liquids. The table was set and cleared… twice. The kids ate. The adults ate. There was wine and beer and fun and games and even conversation amidst all that. It was amazing. After a day that full you’d think I’d want a nice break in between the next … but I’d do it all again this weekend.

It amazing what happens when people come together to help one another and enjoy the company of each other. The most mundane tasks become interesting and the most challenging tasks become simple.

EXPLORE YOUR VILLAGE!

I challenge each and every one of you to explore your village.

Our modern society has caused our villages to be spread far and wide. Do not let this deter you. Do not be selfish enough or silly enough to believe that your village exists only in your own home.

Invite people to your home. Not for an hour or three, but for as long as they want to stay. Offer them a bed and a safe place to rest.

Invite people to a common non-exciting event like shopping, house cleaning, yard work, or play time in a park. Do not feel like you have to wait until you have something exciting to offer to invite people to.

Invite yourself into other people’s homes. Call a friend and tell them that you’re reading a book or watching TV or catching up on YouTube videos and you would rather do it with them than do it alone. Then, before you go, call another friend and bring them with you.

After you’ve done any one of these things, encourage a friend to do the same.

Pull your village in tight around you and find happiness and peace in nuturing the social nature of human beings.